Tasha L NDE

Experience Description

I've had two separate near-death experiences (NDEs) in my life, but I want to focus on my second experience for now. To provide some context, I grew up in a poor environment with my dad and stepmom, both of whom struggled with various mental health issues. I wasn’t raised with any knowledge of the Bible, religion, faith, heaven, hell, or anything related to those topics. It wasn't until I turned 18 that I received my first Bible lesson. I may have heard the word 'God' occasionally, but I never understood what or who that referred to. I had no comprehension of where I came from before birth or where I might go after death. I was always led to believe that I would simply cease to exist, and it would be 'lights out.'

Throughout my childhood, I survived numerous traumatic events that left me struggling emotionally. I was often in a very dark place mentally, but I learned to hide it well. Unknowingly, I battled with PTSD, depression, anxiety, and likely many other unrecognized mental health issues, though I was never formally diagnosed at that time. I always thought the constant pain in my chest was simply what it meant to be human, assuming everyone experienced it. I can’t remember a time without that pain. I was never one to complain or talk about myself, which made it difficult to let anyone in. From a young age, I internalized the belief that 'I would never be heard anyway.' So, I struggled in silence, thinking that life was just hard and painful and that I had to accept it as my fate until the day I died.

It was late in 2009, and I was in my junior year of high school. I woke up feeling mentally and emotionally drained. I had lost all my hope, strength, and will to continue. That morning, as I prepared for school, I felt deeply depressed and lost. Standing in front of the mirror, I realized that the spark of life and light in my eyes, which I could usually conjure up, was gone. I no longer had the strength to pretend everything was okay. That morning, my junior class was scheduled to take a bus to the recreation center for a quiet place to test for the ACT. On the bus ride, I began to feel the effects of my earlier choices that morning. I could feel all the blood drain from my head to my stomach, and I became extremely nauseous, starting to sweat profusely. The girl sitting next to me noticed how I looked and asked if I was okay. She told me that my face was pale and that the area around my eyes appeared sunken and dark. Before I could respond, we arrived at our destination. I quickly got off the bus and hurried to the bathroom. As soon as I stepped outside, the cool air hit my face, and I felt like I was going to pass out at any moment. I put my hands on my knees to catch my breath and muster up enough energy to reach a secluded area. I didn’t want anyone’s help or intervention, and I was relieved to see that the bathrooms were near the front entrance.

'Don’t pass out. Don’t puke. Don’t pass out. Don’t puke,' I repeated to myself as I stumbled into the largest stall in the bathroom. Just as I locked the latch, my legs gave out, and I collapsed to the floor.

In an instant, I found myself hovering above my body. I couldn’t comprehend how or what was happening, but I recognized that this feeling was familiar to me from when I was six years old, during an extremely traumatic experience that I had always been told was just a nightmare. However, it felt too real to be merely a dream. From what seemed to be the ceiling, I hovered over the still form of my body, which lay on its right side curled into a ball by the toilet. I attempted to look down at where my chest would be, but I noticed there was nothing there; I had no physical form. This realization made me aware that I no longer felt the sharp pain that had resided in my chest. I felt nothing. I couldn't sense my flesh, bones, or the blood rushing through my veins. It was as if I were weightless, no longer confined within a suit that always felt too tight and restricting.

The next thing I knew, I felt as if I were being pulled out of reality itself. It was as if I was traveling through a dark tunnel in outer space. Specks of light and streams of iridescent colors flew past and through me. The colors were beyond anything I recognized; they seemed to meld into one another. I was so captivated by the experience that I didn’t feel scared or worried about what was happening. It felt like I blinked as if I had eyes, and when I opened them again, I found myself in a new space. This place wasn’t defined by walls, a floor, a ceiling, windows, or any physical objects. I can only describe it as being engulfed by the brightest and most vivid white light—brighter than anyone could imagine. It was completely devoid of anything physical; it was just pure light. This space radiated what I can only describe as bliss, Happiness, joy, euphoria, and above all, unconditional love and acceptance. I realized I could see all around me simultaneously; my vision wasn’t limited to what was directly in front of me. When I looked down at myself, I saw what appeared to be a semi-figure outline made of pure light or energy, shimmering with pale colors.

It was at that moment that I sensed a presence, and I noticed multiple iridescent light figures or outlines appearing all around me. They resembled beings of light, like me but with more vivid and bright colors. I experienced a form of telepathic communication that filled me with reassurance and peace. Although I didn't physically hear any words, it felt as if I was downloading their communication directly into my being. Next, I saw what appeared to be doors materializing around me in a circle. One of the light beings guided me to open each door one by one. Each door transported me to a different memory of the traumatic events I had experienced and survived in my life. It was as if I was being shown each event from a new perspective. As every memory played back, I noticed multiple iridescent lights weaving through the air around me. It became clear that even though I had often felt alone and unprotected throughout my life, I had never been alone; I was always surrounded and protected by these light beings.

For example, I recall a moment in my life when I was fleeing from a dangerous situation. Suddenly, it felt as though I had collided with a wall, bringing me to an immediate stop. One moment, I was running as fast as I could, and the next, I heard a voice in my head shouting, 'STOP.' At that moment, I heard a gun firing, and I watched in slow motion as a bullet zipped right in front of me, entering the front of the truck belonging to the shooter. He shot a hole straight through his engine.

But from the perspective of a light being, I saw a bright light shoot up right in front of me, stopping me in my tracks. Each of these events revealed different instances in which I was protected and guided.

This experience led me to the realization that I do matter and that I am loved and cared for. I was then transported back to the white space I had been in before, surrounded by all those light beings. I was filled with immense gratitude, love, and joy. I came to understand that these beings were the source of my intuition—the still, small voice in my head that I hadn’t always listened to. I felt guilty for the times I ignored that voice, which often led me into situations where I got hurt. I experienced shame for believing I was alone, unloved, and unprotected. The light beings helped me understand that those past events were not my fault and did not define me or dictate my future. I realized I could be a bright light and make a positive impact on the lives of everyone I encounter. Of course, I questioned how I could be a bright light and make a positive impact after having struggled with such negative emotions throughout my life, even leading to thoughts of suicide.

Just as that thought entered my mind, the light being and I were transported to the most beautiful, endless fields of wildflowers and trees. A long, winding river ran through the middle as far as I could see. The colors were rich and vivid, and I could feel the energy in everything as the wind blew. It was as though the wind was playing the grass, flowers, and trees like instruments. As we got closer to the river, I noticed that it didn't contain water; instead, it was pure iridescent light slowly weaving down the stream like water would. I marveled at the sparkle of various rocks, crystals, and stones scattered along the riverbed. I felt an overwhelming urge to step into this radiant flow, so I did. I stepped in and lay back to float, just as I would on a hot summer day. Instantly, I could feel the energy flowing over me, through me, and all around me. It felt as if the light was washing away all the negative energy and replacing it with something new and pure. I watched the ripples and sparkles of the energy stream gently dance across my line of vision. Then, my vision faded from the gentle sparkling of the stream to the fluorescent lights in the ceiling of a bathroom stall. I found myself back in my body, lying on my back. I felt the familiar sensation of being in a body that seemed too small for me but without the sharp pain in my chest and the looming sense of depression.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: December 2009

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Suicide attemptDrug or medication overdose Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function) attempted suicide attempt.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? No I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. I had a knowing of all things and all knowledge.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I would say that I was at my highest level of consciousness during the time I was in the white space.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My vision was maximized and colors were more vivid and bright

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My hearing was pretty much non-existent. All sounds were telepathic. The hearing sense is completely different from normal human sense of hearing.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes I was traveling through a dark tunnel in outer space. Specks of light and streams of iridescent colors flew past and through me. The colors were beyond anything I recognized; they seemed to meld into one another.

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes Tunnel-Specks of light and streams of iridescent colors flew past and through me. The colors were beyond anything I recognized. White space-the brightest and most vivid white light—brighter than anyone could imagine. It was completely devoid of anything physical; it was just pure light. Light beings and myself-When I looked down at myself, I saw what appeared to be a semi-figure outline made of pure light or energy, shimmering with pale colors. multiple iridescent light figures or outlines appearing all around me. They resembled beings of light, like me but with more vivid and bright colors.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I found myself in a new space. This place wasn’t defined by walls, a floor, a ceiling, windows, or any physical objects. I can only describe it as being engulfed by the brightest and most vivid white light—brighter than anyone could imagine. It was completely devoid of anything physical; it was just pure light. This space radiated what I can only describe as bliss, Happiness, joy, euphoria, and above all, unconditional love and acceptance.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? peace, lack of pain, unconditional love, acceptance, compassion, guilt, shame, confusion.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others I had a knowing of all things and all knowledge all at once.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? I remembered many past events

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life. I believe that entering into this dream of consciousness was a conscious decision to return to my life.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Religious unaffiliated Before my experience, I had zero knowledge of religion or faith. I had no religious background.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes It is the whole reason I began to explore anything about religion or spirituality.

What is your religion now? Other faiths- Unitarian and other liberal faiths I would say that my beliefs are a mixture of unitarian universalism, new age spiritualism, and Buddhism.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I believe in an afterlife, the simulation, reincarnation, that we are extensions of source/God, death is an illusion, astral traveling, technology, etc.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin multiple iridescent light figures or outlines appearing all around me. They resembled beings of light, like me but with more vivid and bright colors. I experienced a form of telepathic communication that filled me with reassurance and peace. Although I didn't physically hear any words, it felt as if I was downloading their communication directly into my being.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes I had a knowing that all and everything is interconnected and the same with source.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes I had a knowing that the purpose of life was to learn to love unconditionally and be compassionate to yourself and to others

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? No

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes I had a knowing or an awareness that life's difficulties challenges And hardships were how you grow in yourself and learn how to be more compassionate and love unconditionally

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Love is the most important thing of all

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes yes, some people have difficulty comprehending or accepting the reality of my experience and some think I am mentally unstable, therefore leading to the end of the relationship, which I am 100% ok with. It weeds out the ones not on my level and plants seeds at the same time.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes The experience itself is impossible to articulate or explain fully.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I can see and feel auras/energy, I can see flashes into people's lives by touch, I heal small ailments/pain/illnesses by touch, I can manifest things into fruition pretty easily, I can astral travel and have out-of-body experiences, I can read people very well, sometimes to the point of reading their minds, I have a knowing of where things are by mentally seeing it in my head, I can tap into a knowing/wisdom of most anything I meditate/focus on, people automatically tell me things that they normally wouldn't tell other people, etc.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? All aspects of my experience is significant to me.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I didn't share my experience for almost a year. I started telling close trusted people and they were in awe and greatly inspired by it. It makes people question their beliefs, reality, and the purpose of life and death. It triggers deeper and more meaningful thought and conversations.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. I knew it was real but I struggled to articulate it.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real. I knew it was real, I never doubted it.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes Windy and sunny days remind me of the field, floating on my back in water reminds me of the stream, driving at night in the snow reminds me of the tunnel, and auras remind me of the light beings and being pure light/energy myself. My crystal/rock collection remind me of the stream and the shimmery flash of certain crystals reminds me of the colors that I saw. My love, compassion and acceptance of all people remind me of how I felt.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? Yes, I would like to share that I am in no way advocating for suicide or attempting to do so to have an experience like mine. I believe that life has so much meaning and is about learning to love and have compassion for yourself and others just the same. I would never attempt suicide again because I believe that everyone is here for a reason and a bigger purpose than they realize. Everyone should work on healing themselves and healing from past trauma because life is hard but it will get better through self-awareness and true healing. Always be open and honest with how you are feeling, despite any fears of how you think you will look. Help is available 24 hours a day by calling OR texting '988' OR an online chat via the 988 suicide and crisis lifeline. Also, we should all educate ourselves on the signs of someone who is struggling.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? I was satisfied with the questions.

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