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This was my journal entry right after I remembered the event. The date was July 11, 2010.This morning at roughly 6 a.m., I remembered what happened to me when I died in 2008. It's been two years, and I was worried why I had never seen anything. This morning in just a few seconds, I remembered what did happen. Mike had driven me to the hospital when I died on the way there. Later I had told him I saw some sort of fundraiser in the ICU and that there were people dressed up looking in at the area. As it turns out, it was part of my memory of what happened when I was dead for 8 minutes. I remember seeing myself on the gurney, or table where there were people working on me trying to get me back. It wasn't like I was floating overhead or anything, but that I was nearby, and knew I wasn't 'in there'. I remember there were people in the room, dressed up like it was a huge rich, party. The men were in tuxes, and the women in sequined gowns, that were so white, they almost glowed. I remember seeing them moving around with no sound, and that they went around the corner, where I should not have been able to see around. But I was with them. Not walking or floating, but just there. I have come to realize they were angels. Nothing was said, but you knew what needed to be said, or needed to be understood. Some of them had people with them, in hospital gowns and such. You knew they had just passed, or passed years ago, but they were all there at the same time. The angels were always there. I just knew it. I didn't see anyone I knew, but knew they were there to help me, guide me.I saw around the corner to a white area; just like a white wall, or a wall of fog. No super bright light. No harps or pearly gates, but I knew it was not part of the hospital, but it also wasn't quite 'outside'. It was just 'somewhere else'. People were walking up to it with their guides and they'd go in but their guides were to stay behind. Just as if they were that. Not to go in. Just to lead you there.I didn't see my Mom, Chris, John, or anyone I would have expected to see since they were dead. I knew they were on the other side if I went through. I knew that in that 'other place', it wasn't quite happiness, or heaven, it was just more the word was 'free'. It was free of stress, free of unhappiness, it was just 'better'. Even as I read what I'm typing, I know it sounds crazy but it's also so true. I remember looking in to the face of the women with me, not her face so much, but she had blue eyes. They spoke so much to me. They were telling me in my head that it was OK to go through. Just as suddenly, not so much exact words like 'it's not your time' or 'you aren't ready' but a feeling of both. I moved away. I knew it was ok too. I didn't have too, if I wasn't ready. And then I saw a bright light. I think I remember it was the halogen light above the table, aimed down where they were working on me. Not the 'bright light' of heaven you picture. I just can't believe on a Sunday morning, nearly two years later, I just remembered. I feel different. I feel like for the first time in my life I don't just believe there is an afterlife. I know there is an afterlife. Life will always be ok from this point on.Todd
Background Information:
Gender: Male
Date NDE Occurred: 10/28/2008 NDE Elements:
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No Heart attack Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function)
How do you consider the content of your experience? Wonderful
The experience included: Out of body experience
Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I clearly left my body and existed outside it
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal The part where she was 'thinking' to me, that I could go in. But then like it wasn't to be right now.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? The part where she was 'thinking' to me, that I could go in. But then like it wasn't to be right now.
Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning I knew the 'other' guides and people were there, but it's like they were, before and after us, and that everything came together as if it was one time.
Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I wear glasses or contacts if I want to see. I am incredibly near sighted, but during this, I knew I was seeing perfectly. My vision was perfect.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It was like everything was silent but you KNEW you were hearing, more in your mind, than with your ears.
Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes It was more NEAR an area that I knew was not 'here'; clearly a different type of place.
Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes A woman. She was sweet and beautiful. I knew I didn't know her, but I trusted her with my whole heart. I knew I did, with no reservations. She never spoke, but her eyes almost did. Happiness, a little sadness at one point, but I KNEW what she was thinking 'to' me.
The experience included: Light
Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes It wasn't so much a light source, more of an area of light fog.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I didn't go in to the area of fog-light, but KNEW what was on the other side. Felt emotions "from" it.
The experience included: Strong emotional tone
What emotions did you feel during the experience? No uneasiness, no fear; just freedom. No stress, no pain, not overly happy; just freedom from things that make you stress.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness
Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy
Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe
Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future
The experience included: Boundary
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure? No I did not cross into the area but knew I could, and it was safe and stress free there.
Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will God, Spiritual and Religion:
What was your religion prior to your experience? Liberal
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I have always been a believer, and been thankful for life and things that have happened to me, bad, good, or other. Now I am thankful for them, because they are life, and after life is even more wondrous.
What is your religion now? Moderate
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I have always been a believer, and been thankful for life and things that have happened to me, bad, good, or other. Now I am thankful for them, because they are life, and after life is even more wondrous.
The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin
Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I KNEW what she was thinking to me. I knew to trust her. I knew what was on the other side of the 'area'.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I don't let things here bother me like I did. I still worry, get upset, or sad or happy like before, but I know this all doesn't matter enough to let it break my heart. I know that there is better afterwards, and that those I've lost, or may lose, will be there in the afterlife. After the NDE:
Was the experience difficult to express in words? No
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The woman leading me was so kind, and even though she didn't speak, her eyes spoke volumes. They looked so happy and full of knowledge, but when it was understood that it wasn't yet my time, they looked sad for a moment, but very understanding.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I did not even remember the experience until over a year and a half after it happened. It wasn't that I remembered it; it was more like I just didn't forget it anymore, if that makes sense. I have shared it with my spouse and others, and someone I know that will be passing soon, and would feel better from my story.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Uncertain I had two friends that went through it years ago but did not share the story with me.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I only remembered a short time ago. I recorded it in my journal because I didn't want to forget it. I have no doubt it was real. And I have no doubt that I'll feel this way for the rest of my life. Before I believed in an afterlife but it's like now, I KNOW.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I have never had a dream or a day dream or such that I was ever convinced was real. This was real, it did happen.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I know to read it, it may sound strange, or different, but I pray you believe it. I know it was real and some others may benefit from it if they are nearing 'their time' or knowing someone else has shared in a similar event.
On the morning of October 28th 2008, Mike had driven me to Eisenhower hospital because I had been having chest and arm pains. I died on the way there of a massive heart attack. I was dead for over 8 minutes. When Mike got there, he ran in to the emergency room lobby and an emergency team ran out and retrieved me from the passenger seat of our car. They rushed me inside the emergency room department. The first thing I remember seeing was me, on the gurney, or table. There were people working on me, trying to get me back. It wasn't like I was floating overhead or anything, but I was nearby, and knew I wasn't 'in my body, where I knew I should have been'. I also remember there were other people in the room, standing back, out of the way, dressed up like they were part of a rich party or gathering. The men were in tuxedos and the women in sequined gowns that were so white, they almost glowed. I remember seeing them moving around with no sound, and that they moved around the corner, where I should not have been able to still see them. But I was with them. I remember I also should not have been able to make them out so clearly. My vision was perfect, I knew this wasn't possible, as I did not have my glasses on, or my contacts, and I am so near-sighted, I can't see more than a few inches in front of me. I was WITH them, not walking or floating, but just there. In my mind, I knew they were angels. Nothing was said, but you knew what needed to be said, or needed to be understood.Some of them had people with them, in hospital gowns and such. You knew they had just passed, or passed years ago, but they were all there at the same time. Like all time was the same. Now, then, and later, it was all NOW.I knew at that point that the angels were/are always there. I just knew it.I didn't see anyone I knew, but knew they were there to help me, to guide me.I saw around the corner to a white area. Just like a white wall, or a wall of fog. No super bright light. No harps or pearly gates, but knew it was not part of the hospital, but it also wasn't quite 'outside'. It was just 'somewhere else'.People were walking up to it with their guides and they'd go in but their guides were to stay behind. Just as if they were that. Not to go in. Just to lead you there.In the light fog, it almost seemed like it was a garden on the other side, but I just could almost see it in my mind's eye.I didn't see my Mom, Chris, John, or anyone I would have expected to see since they were dead. I knew they were on the other side if I went through. I knew that in that 'other place', it wasn't quite happiness, or heaven, it was just more the word 'free'. It was free of stress, free of unhappiness, it was just 'better'.Even as I read what I'm typing, I know it sounds crazy but it's also so true. I remember looking in to the face of the woman with me, not her face so much, but she had blue eyes. They spoke so much to me. They were telling me in my head that it was OK to go through. Just as suddenly, they went from so happy, to almost sad, maybe even disappointed. Then, it was not so much exact words like 'it's not your time' or 'you aren't ready' but a feeling of both. Her eyes just seem to look happy again. Kind of like when your eyes get squintier when you are smiling a very big smile. I moved away. I knew it was ok too. I didn't have too, if I weren't ready. And then I saw a bright light. As I remember it, it was the halogen light above the table, aimed down where they were working on me. Not the 'bright light' of heaven you picture. I feel different. I felt like for the first time in my life I didn't just believe there was an afterlife. I KNOW there is an afterlife. Life has been so different since it happened. I have thought about it every day since it happened, even almost 3 years later. I still know life will always be ok from that point on, and I haven't been afraid.
At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Heart attack Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function) I saw myself being worked on, on an emergency room table, but I was off to one side.
How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness At the point where it was kind of 'my choice' to enter the void area.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? At the point where it was kind of 'my choice' to enter the void area.
Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning It was as if time had no meaning. It was clear now, but also, the 'others' I figured had passed did so in the past, present, future.
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I did not have my contacts in, or my glasses on, but my vision was perfect.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I just remember it was all very quiet; not a feeling of deafness, but just a sensation that sounds weren't needed.
Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No
The experience included: Presence of deceased persons
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes They were all about. I did not know them, but knew I was safe with them. I also saw others I figured had passed as well. Nothing was said, but I knew what I was to understand.
The experience included: Void
Did you see an unearthly light? Yes But it was more like a lighted fog area.
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I saw the void area, or the fog area and knew it was not quite "here".
What emotions did you feel during the experience? A bit of confusion at first, but a feeling of safety, and a feeling of it was supposed to be. That what I was going through was normal.
Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness
Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future I knew some of the 'passed' persons may have been in the future. That it was all now.
Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I grew up in a religious home, but I had been taught that my being gay meant I was to suffer in hell for what I was. I wasn't judged in the NDE. No one hated me based on my love of another man. I was going to be allowed to enter a wonderful place and it set my fears aside. I always tried to be a good person, and based on my NDE, I wasn't going to a bad place when it happens again.
What is your religion now? Liberal
Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I grew up in a religious home, but I had been taught that my being gay meant I was to suffer in hell for what I was. I wasn't judged in the NDE. No one hated me based on my love of another man. I was going to be allowed to enter a wonderful place and it set my fears aside. I always tried to be a good person, and based on my NDE, I wasn't going to a bad place when it happens again.
During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes The feeling from the void/fog area radiated a feeling of safeness, calmness.
Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes My family and I are close again. We had not been that way in many years and they even came out to California to visit me because we had not seen each other in almost 13 years, and they didn't want to take a chance at not seeing me again. My partner and I have always been close. We've been together almost 19 years. If possible, it made us even closer. After the NDE:
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I had believed that we had positive beings 'nearby'. Sometimes I felt like maybe loved ones passed; were maybe still around in some fashion. I KNOW there are beings around us now. It just gives a feeling of not being so 'on our own'.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes It was over a year later that I remembered/not forgotten the event. When it came to me, it wasn't that I remembered the event; it was that I just didn't forget anymore. Sorry, it's a weird thing to explain. Some friends that have lost loved ones were curious and have felt some relief knowing that, based on my event; someone they know has witnessed it.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I knew of two friends that had passed similar amounts of time, but they didn't explain what happened in detail. One said that it was just a positive event. One said he saw loved ones and family that were gone, which I did not in my event.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I didn't recall the event until over a year later. It was always there, I just didn't have it in my memory. It was almost like I was supposed to recall it or it was a time I could understand it more.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I feel some things in your life are based on beliefs, or dreams, or hopes. Now I just KNOW they exist. I don't for a second believe it to be a dream, or something made up in my subconscious. I just know; if that makes sense.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I hope that if my NDE can help calm anyone's fear of an afterlife, it does. That if anyone who may be ill and might be passing soon, that it makes them not fear the unknown as much.
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