Tomás O Possible NDE

Experience Description

My memories aren't very clear, except for the important experience. I had been depressed had been trying to kill myself for the past two years. I had already took psychedelics and had helped me figure out some things, and also made me had such terrible experiences that, at least, I felt alive. It wasn't a very healthy pattern, at all. I was living as a student in a college dorm room. I was always secluded and sometimes didn't leave my room for days.

I took LSD and started having extreme anxiety and all kind of fears. I couldn't stand it and started taking medication to calm myself, but I didn't feel any effect. I think I had distorted time perception and there wasn't enough time for it to be effective, because later it did effect. I thought, 'I want this hell of a life to end' so I took most of the bottle of medication. Immediately I realized it was an overdose, but I was too scared to ask for help. So I took another medication with the hope of it decreasing the effects of the LSD before it was too late.

I don't remember what happened next, but my next memory was some nurses taking me to a very dark room with a hospital bed. While I walked towards the bed, helped by the nurses, I felt weaker and weaker. I felt my 'life force' leaving my body. I thought that was it and I would live no more. But when I was close to the hospital bed, I saw and felt a very warm and strong presence there. I didn't see it clearly, but there were ethereal plant-like shapes surrounding the bed and forming like a cave-like shape or a tunnel. When the nurses put me on the bed, I felt how that presence and the plants-energy surrounded me. I started to dissolve into the bed, which wasn't the bed anymore but was part of that presence and the mass of plant-like energy. I felt like I was coming back to a mother who was not my mother. But it was something like THE mother, an archetypal mother. I dissolved, feeling that I had nothing to worry about anymore. I fell either asleep or unconscious.

When I woke up next morning I didn't immediately remember that experience. I answered questions to a doctor and was allowed to return to my dorm room. While I was in the car with my father, I started to remember my experience. For a second, I got that warm, safe feeling again.


Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: 2016

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness Suicide attempt Drug or medication overdose Life threatening event, but not clinical death I had taken an overdose of several medications and cut myself so I lost quite a lot of blood.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? No I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I was extremely clear, but I didn't perceive objectively the 'real' world but that whole plant presence. I felt a realization that everything was ending, and that was okay. It's difficult to explain, but I felt extremely present, clear and calm when I began dissolving.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Just when I was laid down onto the hospital bed, as I felt entering into the warm presence and dissolving into the plant-like energy.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Time seemed to go faster or slower than usual Time seemed to go very slow, slower and slower as I dissolved.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. The vision was clearly influenced by 1P-LSD, but it was different. Everything was very dark, and I could only see phosphorescent, ethereal plant shapes surrounding my bed while I was getting close to it, and surrounded by some energy as I laid down. It wasn't colorful nor geometrical, but dim, subtle and 'organic', and it felt like it really was there.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I don't remember hearing any sounds until I laid in bed and heard some whispers of 'welcome' and 'it's done' ('se acabó').

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes It was that whole plant-like energy, I entered to the bed through an opening and could see the opening while I laid there surrounded and dissolving into the energy.

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? Uncertain The energy was light, but in shape of plants. It was dim and subtle.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm I merged with the Mother, with the energy, and with the plants growing, I felt like I became part of that growing process.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Profound calm, warmth, acceptance, completeness. I felt I was returning to where I was before being born, and that everything which had happened had been necessary and good.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others I seemed to understand how my life lead to that moment, and how everything was perfectly lined up and prepared for that.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? I remembered many past events

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Secular unaffiliated I had been a Catholic until my late teens. When this experience occurred, I was very interested in Mahayana Buddhism and in Taoism, and went sometimes to meditate with a Buddhist group of the Shambhala tradition, but wasn't a Buddhist myself.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I got very interested in the 'philosophia perennis' which describes the world as being the One playing to be Many, which is coherent with what I experienced.

What is your religion now? Other or several faiths I'm currently tending a 'philosophia perennis' kind of view. Not exactly religious, but I feel everything (including me and you) is part of the 'I AM', Brahman, the Divine, Buddha nature, the Tao and so on. Is the One playing to be Many.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience My experience wasn't contradictory to the Buddhist beliefs I was interested (not necessarily believing) in, but it was very experiential, not precise nor explicit. It was a motherly stream of life compatible with Buddhism but with many other religious traditions too.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Uncertain The changes have happened, and are towards a compassion for me, less fear of death (as it's not really death, not anymore that we don't really exist individually) and much greater mental stability. These changes can't be attributed only to the experience (a change of therapist was decisive), but the experience has almost guided me. And causality is never easy to find for life changes.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I heard whispers welcoming me, and felt a motherly, immense presence, and some 'lesser' presences protecting the opening of my 'cave'.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Uncertain I felt a Mother. There are references to a Mother in most religions (Mary, the Goddess, Mithra...), but it wasn't tied to any particular one.

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes I existed previously because I was that big stream of Life to which I was returning.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes As I have described, I felt we are part of a Unity all the time, we never stop being part of it.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes I saw how there's nothing supreme or inferior, there's just 'It', and we are part of It. Just we don't usually realize so.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Uncertain I felt I understood the purpose, but I can't remember what was it.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? An afterlife definitely exists Yes I saw that life just continues. Our individual life merges into a big stream of life, but there's no actual death or birth, just little streams splitting from the big stream and returning to it.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes Everything was perfect and led to that moment.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life Some months after that experience, my mental health started to improve. Now I don't find myself lost anymore. Although not due to that experience, the experience has helped me greatly in the process, because now I understand that everything that happens has an irreplaceable place in our life, almost a purpose.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I don't really know how to explain that there was energy, that also was plants forming a cave, that also was a motherly presence. It's difficult to explain too how I felt while dissolving, and I feel now I don't remember anymore the content of that realization, that insight that everything was okay and that nothing bad ever happens, everything is like it has to be.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. That experience is one of my few memories of the year 2016.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? Yes. I know I am part of One, a part which has to play pretend it isn't One, and get scared, in love and angry towards other parts of One, but I will return to One, because I'm already part of it. I just can't fully realize so.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? No

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes My grandmother had seen 'the entrance to heaven' during an eclampsia, felt a very bright light and a tunnel. I don't think it influenced my experience, as it was extremely different from hers.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely not real The experience was induced by the drug mix and loss of blood.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real The experience was induced by the drug mix and loss of blood. But what I experienced is fundamentally true, it's truer than what I'm seeing in my daily life.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Not that I can think of.