Tommy M Probable NDE

Experience Description

On October 10, 2023, I had a kidney stone that breached my right kidney. I passed out at home. I was transported to the hospital emergency room where I went into septic shock with multi-organ failure.

I was placed on a ventilator and dialysis in an attempt to clean the expanding infection from my blood system. I remained on the ventilator for 8 days. I had acute rectal, kidney, respiratory, and heart failure that developed on the third day while on the ventilator. I have no memory of this, as this medical information and event were provided by family members, medical staff, and medical records. Once off the ventilator, I remained in the ICU for another 10 days due to the heart condition and then I was in a rehab hospital for 2 weeks.

I’m not sure what day this occurred, but while sedated and on the ventilator, I experienced a darkness that I cannot explain. I was confused and had no feeling in my body, vision, or hearing. I was just in total blackness. I remember questioning, why couldn’t I wake up? Then I thought that I may be dead. But I was very confused and terrified. I remember screaming, but not making a sound. I seemed to lose this darkness, only to return. I thought that if I was dead, then where was the light? Where were others that had passed on before me?

I then screamed, 'God, where are you?'

I then experienced a small light in the darkness that developed into an expanding and unfolding cloud. I was engulfed in a peace, and by a 'presence' this expanding cloud. This is hard to explain. I envisioned, felt, and was shown bands of feelings of love, comfort, bliss, peace, compassion, and kindness. I telepathically heard a word that was more of a knowing that I was shown, and the word was 'GOODNESS'.

I felt an overwhelming GOODNESS, and I was invited to step into this presence. I did this, almost without even thinking about it. I felt weight and other negative attachments being washed off me and I was consumed by this overwhelming presence. I had feelings that I have never experienced. These feelings were very clear and distinct; yet, like nothing I have ever known. I had more clarity and extremely positive feelings than anything I have ever known or even imagined.

After stepping into the 'presence of GOODNESS,' I had a very distinct remembrance of my mother holding me as a child and how she placed her hand on my cheek; with extreme comfort and security. I then remembered an older man, his name was Joe, who I knew from age 3 to about age 9. I worked in the back of my uncle's cleaners, and I loved being with Joe and working with him. He was extremely caring and a larger-than-life soul. I loved him more than my father or family, as I had escaped from a very abusive home environment.

Then I remembered a relationship where I did not consistently show GOODNESS. It was a confusing relationship, filled with a great betrayal and hurt. I was angry and confused. But if I had just shown GOODNESS from the first time I met this person, and even when I learned of the betrayal, it would have been a totally different experience.

This presence of GOODNESS stayed with me when I returned to the darkness, but I was no longer afraid. I then noticed, in the upper right corner, the blackness started to ripple. I could hear a little girl’s voice that got louder and caused a greater ripple. I could see my daughter’s face. She had flown in from out-of-state and was standing by my bedside. I could hear her voice. She was age 29, not 3, at this time.

Then I could see a broader light around the corners of the darkness. I could feel people entering and coming close to me. I could feel their goodness, caring and compassion. Other beings just seemed to be coming and going. I could not see them, just feel their presence. I also knew that there was so much more shown to me. But, I could not consume it all at once during this experience. I understood that much more would be revealed to me and that there was no bookend on this experience. It was ongoing and really just beginning.

On the 8th day, they removed the ventilator. That was the first time I realized that I was in the ICU. Family and doctors started explaining what had happened. I remained in the ICU for another 10 days and that presence stayed with me. I could not stop talking about it. I began researching the word 'GOODNESS' as it was not a word that I normally used. I did not have a Bible and had not been in a church for over 20 years. But I got one, and began to see GOODNESS everywhere. I could feel the GOODNESS as I read it and I realized that I had it all wrong. I thought GOODNESS was a characteristic of GOD, but I now know that GOODNESS is God!

I have continued researching GOODNESS as the awareness of it dominates my being. I returned home. I was so aware of the difference from the 'realm' that I experienced and the physical world, which is so heavy and takes so much from us just to be here. I still struggle with the balance. I have miracles every day, as I think of things and people. They come into existence, often with no effort on my part. And I have frustrations and confusions with where I am, and what was the purpose of things.

I survived this septic shock event when the medical staff did not think I would live. I am getting better and stronger. But I’m still under medical care as my heart has not yet returned to normal.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: 10/14/2023

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness Heart attack Severe Septic Shock, with multi-organ failure. Life threatening event, but not clinical death Septic Shock, with multi-organ failure including onset of NSTEMI Type II on day 3 of being sedated and on a ventilator for 8 days.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? No. I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. more clarity, distinction of feelings, enhanced awareness, and much more present

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? From day 3 - day 8 while on the ventilator.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Time seemed to go faster or slower than usual I distinctly remember, that more was occurring than I could process and that more would be revealed or recalled later

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. There was no vision during the event, more like a knowing and experience, but very difficult to explain

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. no hearing during the event

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? Yes, and the facts have been checked out

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain. I was in total darkness. At one point, I did see a brighter while light, that was oval, and shaped like the entrance of a tunnel, but I did not enter

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes very small in the beginning, but unfolded rapidly, like an expanding cloud.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? peace, love, presence, wholeness like I have never known. Very very intense.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? I remembered many past events. After stepping into the 'presence of GOODNESS,' I had a very distinct remembrance of my mother holding me as a child and how she placed her hand on my cheek, with extreme comfort and security. I then remembered an older black man, his name was Joe, who I knew from age 3 to about age 9. I worked in the back of my uncle's cleaners, and I loved being with Joe and working with him. He was extremely caring and a larger-than-life soul, and I loved him more than my father or family. He had escaped from a very abusive home environment. Then I remembered a relationship where I did not consistently show GOODNESS. It was a confusing relationship, with a great betrayal and hurt. I was angry and confused, but if I had just shown GOODNESS, from the first time I met this person, and even when I learned of the betrayal, it would have been a totally different experience.

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will I don't remember having a choice to return

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Protestant Not a consistent practice, owned no bible at the time, or any church affiliation in over 20 years

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes more enhanced

What is your religion now? Christian- Protestant

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin It was a presence, over whelming presence, but not a voice, but I heard it in my head

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Uncertain I called out for God, and the experience appeared.

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Yes biblical interpretations

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes the presence, of the goodness of God, yes

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? No

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes NO words exist. I feel and know the experience, but difficult to express

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Immediately, many dismissed it as due to the sedation or medication. But, others understood and were engaged.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes awareness that they have been reported only.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? no

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