Tonja BB NDE

Experience Description

I remember a lot of pain. I felt my body dying. I left my stomach as an energy ball (I do not know how to describe it). I did not look around or see doctors working on me. I did not have eyes, ears, or lungs. But I could breathe, hear and talk. I just left my stomach knowing that this was what was supposed to happen as if I had done this before. It was strangely familiar and I found myself excited to be out of the meat jacket I had been wearing.

The next thing I remember was three large energy balls merging into one in front of me. I could have been trying to focus and that is why there was three balls or maybe there were three that merged. I know why people say they fly through a tunnel. They see the ring around the bright light and think it's a tunnel they are flying through but really the energy ball is just getting closer. Or we get closer to the energy ball. The light was so very bright but did not cause me discomfort. Matter of fact, it was comforting. I was warm and happy and felt so much love. So much love! I was finally home. I asked the energy ball if it was God. They said, ‘That is a human word, but if it makes you feel comfortable, you may call us God.’ I asked about the Bible, Jesus, Gay, Lesbian and well, I asked all sorts of questions and I received every answer. I asked what religion was the correct one. They told me that I did not have to choose. I think I knew at that moment that I wasn't going to get to stay. I didn't want to leave. They made me come back.

I felt the pull so fast and the next thing I knew I was back in my body. The meat jacket. All of the pain and misery was back. The pain that accompanies this world. All back. Still, three years later and I want to die but I know I have to wait. I always ask God to take me home. They make me wait. I want to go home.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 'January 16th, 2010'

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness. Surgery-related 'Life threatening event, but not clinical death' I had a fallopian tube rupture with e. coli bacteria built up in it. I went septic.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? No I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal Knowledge was given. I guess that is why I felt more alert. It was like a flash drive with my entire life and family was plugged into me and downloaded. The knowledge I gained was answers to everything. So in that sense I was enlightened?

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I'm not sure because time had no meaning. I mean, well, I don't understand the question. I was alert from the moment I left this body.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning I understood why things happened in my life on earth the way they happened. It all came downloading in to me and it all made sense. Like the puzzle pieces all fit.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Well all that I saw was the energy ball with the bright light. I didn't see people or grass and flowers. Just an energy ball of light but it was the most beautiful light I had ever seen.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. When they spoke to me, it sounded as if it was music. They spoke together so it was like a tone. I do not know how to explain it in words. I'm sorry.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No Um, not a tunnel. I got closer to an energy ball of light which could be perceived as a tunnel by some, I suppose.

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

The experience included: Unearthly light

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes It was an energy ball of light that was so bright and so beautiful. It was more alive than anything I had ever experienced. True love light.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm Well, I do not know where I was. I liked being there but I don't know if I went up or down or sideways. I just know that time had no meaning and I felt perfect.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Love. Pure love. I was so happy to finally be home.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others I understood why things happened in my life on earth the way they happened. It all came downloading in to me and it all made sense. Like the puzzle pieces all fit.

The experience included: Life review

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Unknown

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Atheist I was not only an Atheist but I enjoyed Faith Shaking very much. Faith Shaking is where you make someone of a faith background question their own faith. I am sorry for this more than anything.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I still choose not to choose a religion. I do pray and talk to Them quite often. I watch for the signs and I listen to Them. I am leaning towards reincarnation theories. I sometimes do not recognize myself in the mirror. This makes me wonder if we come back as different bodies over and over until we get it right.

What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me

What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Agnostic I know that there is a God but I do not claim any religion. I guess I would say ALL have good and ALL have bad. I choose not to choose.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I did not have any beliefs prior to dying.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I know that every single thing I do or say directly affects this life. So I choose my words carefully. I catch myself and apologize when I get angry.

The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin The energy ball of light spoke with me. We had a conversation.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Uncertain I was speaking with God so to me, that is my proof that God exists. And I know there is another level to this "life" we are living. I do not know how to explain it in words. This is frustrating because I wish I could plug you in to my m emories so you can

Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God does not exist

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes I was talking with God so that is my proof. I guess I do not understand the question. God exists.

Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes Love each other. I am so much more aware of other people's feelings and emotions and mental states than before I died.

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are not meaningful and significant

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes We are here to learn how to truly love one another. When we have learned how to love eachother, we get to move forward. I am not sure if this means reicarnation until we get it right or what but the answer to life is love one another.

Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife does not exist

Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes I know there is more beyond even where I was. I was not allowed to see further because it was not my time. I wanted to but I was sent back with only certain information. But I know for a fact that there is more. Death is a lie.

Did you fear death prior to your experience? I greatly feared death

Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death

Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Unknown

Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Not fearful in living my earthly life

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are not meaningful and significant

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes Every life lesson (not mistakes...I do not call them mistakes anymore) we learn something that God needs us to learn and sometimes bad things happen to us or someone we love for someone else to learn something from. We may not even know the person who is

Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes I learned that all we need to do is love one another like brothers and sisters and we could make this earthly world a paradise. But we are greedy. We are like bad kids who are selfish. If we truly loved thy neighbor like the Christian Bible tells people,

Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life I believe in God now. I do not question if there is a God. I am not afraid of ‘death’. I do not make people question their own faith anymore.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes Every single relationship has changed. Most for the better. Some have ended and some have been strained. My husband gets upset because I want to go home. He can't understand how it feels so it scares him. My mother and I are much closer. My sisters and I are closer.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience I can see it today as I could then. But I can't tell you what I had for lunch last week.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I feel people's pain as if it is my pain. If someone is crying ten feet away from me, I feel their pain and I start crying. I hugged a stranger the other day that was so sad and he was crying. I would have never hugged a stranger before. I hugged him and I felt his pain. I cried most of the day after he left. I felt his pain. I do not like this. I feel like a weak baby now.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? My mom and I have a relationship now. I learned a lot about what she went through that she never told us about. I always thought I needed to forgive her but what I needed to do is forgive myself for not forgiving her. It's hard to explain. My mom and I are extremely close now. Like best friends.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Supposedly while I was in surgery, I called my nieces, sisters, and mom and told them I was dying and to start praying. They all say that I called them and said I was dying and they needed to pray. My phone was not on and I was in surgery so I can't explain how I could have called. When I came out of surgery, I told my husband and my best friend that I had 'went' somewhere. I was all doped up on morphine so I couldn't explain and they weren't ready to listen anyhow. I told my niece the whole story first. She is my favorite niece and also she was an atheist because I told her when she was eight years old that there was no God and she had to take care of herself. I needed her to know that I was wrong. So, I told her the whole experience first. She is no longer an atheist.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I'd heard about them. I assumed it was their imagination or the endorphins releasing when your body dies. Science stuff, not spiritual stuff. I thought it was all bullsh*t.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real Well, I knew it was real but I was scared to tell too many people because I know how the old me would have reacted if someone told me that they met God. I was afraid to hear the nay-sayers.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I talk to God every day. I know they are listening and they answer our prayers. It may not be what we think the answer should be but it's the answer we need. I can't wait to go back home. I hope when I leave for good to go home, that I can leave a smiling corpse. I want my body to be smiling.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No I wish. I mourn it. I wish things could remind me of it so I could get little warm moments of home. I think the way I feel when I am close to the ocean is the closest to the feeling, I guess. But it's not nearly as perfect. No amount of anything here could reproduce there.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I know I sound like a crazy person but I can't apologize for that. I died an atheist and God gave me knowledge that changed the way I live this life. I do not fear death anymore. I use to obsess over dying. Now I welcome it.