Tony F FDE

Experience Description

I was seventeen years old and a senior in high school. I was just getting off work. I met up with one of my closest friends at his place of employment around 11:30 pm. We were going to a small New Year's party and arrived at the house just before the ball dropped at midnight. On January 1, 1999, 5-10 minutes past midnight, all of us were invited to another party that was all girls.

At first, my friend's parents refuse to let us go. They weren't letting anyone leave if any drinking had taken place by anyone intending to driving. Myself and close friend just have gotten off work, still in our work cloths and had only been at the house for a short time. We were able to convince this guy's parents to let us go since we were both stone-cold sober. My friend offered to drive and I promised to keep the other 3 in line. We all piled into my friend's car with him driving. I was in the back center seat, so the other three could be next to a window if the others wanted to throw up while in the car. We all got in. I remember my friend arguing with someone about wearing their seat belt. He refused to drive if they did not comply. In retrospect, he probably saved a life.

On our way to that party, we turned onto the highway/freeway with music blaring and everyone in the car having a good time. I don't know the speed of the vehicle but I assume we were moving at around 65-70mph. All of a sudden something happens. The final report said we hit black ice, but to this day I honestly don't know if that was the one and only factor. What I do know is that we went off the side of a hill. We rolled a countless number of times before finally landing about 15-20 yards from the road.

My experience happened sometime prior to hitting the bottom of the hill. Time was moving in its normal linear fashion as we all expect it to do. Then all of a sudden time stopped for me, like literally stopped. Out in front of us was a sign that was in our path. It wasn't a speed sign you would normally expect on the road. It had some irrelevant information on it; although I don't remember what it said any more. Although time seemed to have stopped for me, my mind/consciousness seemed to still be working as I remember being so confused on what was currently happening. I should state, up to this point, I had no idea we were in a threatening situation. The best way to describe my state of mind is that I was in shock. The moment felt like it lasted a long time, but I probably sat in this state of silence for 3 to 5 seconds. Then, as if my entire linear life experience was connected to a rubber band, and I was having a Wile E. Coyote moment; I had a physical feeling of being pulled backward. I relived my entire life to that point, but in reverse. I remember sounds, smells, experiences, and everything was crystal clear. The interesting part for me was looking back on the life review and realized it made sense. Everything being in reverse order felt as natural as living my everyday normal life. The main difference is that this happened in an instance. When I hear NDE experiencers talk about time being different or maybe nonexistent, it makes sense to me through this experience.

When the whirlwind of remembering my life ends, I find myself in a pitch-black place. It wasn't scary or worrisome. It was a moment of silence and peacefulness. I'm unsure how long I sat in this space. As quickly as I went into this experience, I flashed back into my body with my eyes wide open. The car was rolling the hill. I still no idea what was happening.

The moment the car came to a complete stop, I remember sitting there and running through all this experience of my life. I was remembering things that had been long lost and out of my memory. But like waking up from a dream, I realized quickly that many of these memories were disappearing from my mind. I grasped at as many memories as I could, but it was like trying to cup the water out of a pool with nothing more than my two hands. I was able to pull a few specific memory fragments and the experience as a whole, but the rest would be lost.

As the other guys started moving and responding to our current situation, it finally pulled me out of my own head to deal with the problem at hand. Amazingly, four of us walked away from this accident and the fifth person would make a full recovery.

I never physically died, so I never knew what this experience was. I didn't talk about it for a very long time. A couple years back, I told this story to a friend who insisted it was a NDE, which started me on this path of understanding. I've seen some people refer to this as a fear death experience (FDE). Whatever the experience was, it has really opened my mind to reality.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: 1-1-1999

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Accident Other Situation: was life threatening but physically I walked away from the accident. The experience happened a moment before the car I was in, as a passenger, went off the road and rolled down a steep hill.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? No. I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness normal

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? The moment time stopped; my alertness went to 100%. I don't know when my highest level of consciousness would have been. Maybe during the review or after when sitting in the void.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning. Stopped, sped up, went in reverse

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Visually it was always like I was still seeing with my two eyes.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. All my senses during the reversal life experience were equal to living the moments in real time.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Some unfamiliar and strange place. The dark void

What emotions did you feel during the experience? shock, confusion. During reliving my life, I experienced the emotions that went with the memory or event.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? I remembered many past events

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Atheist. Young and ignorant to life. I was all in on the materialism perspective of reality.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes Religiously nothing has changed. Spiritual, I'm all in.

What is your religion now? Other or several faiths: All in on the idea of "Source" and reality being much weirder than our human brains can comprehend. All out on all the dogmatic aspects to religion. I do find ancient religious texts that lead to present day religion, very informative.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Ideology of materialism was degraded

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Uncertain After the experience I felt like the end of the sequence of reliving my life, so the beginning, had some significance. I tried for a while to regain some memory of those final moments. Was it when I was born? In the womb? Did it go even farther back? I don't know.

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Uncertain There wasnt a specific moment where I felt I was given any knowledge but the experience itself provided special knowledge for my own paradigm

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Uncertain Nothing obvious that confirmed life after death but it left me open to reality is much more complex than I understood and anything is possible, including life after death.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Immediately after my experience, I do not think it had an immediate effect on me. It was more of a seed was planted. Along with other experiences that I can't fully explain, I feel like they had a tipping point that affected me as a whole in my mind, late 20s. Then again around five years ago which brings to how I think and believe today.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Uncertain There are parts of the event that there arent words to fully explain the experience. For example: When time stopped, the lighting from the lights were very fractal or sharp in some ways. More like a crystal then what we think of as pure light. I don't go into much detail with the void or darkness because I'm at a loss for words.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I do not know how my remembrance of the experience compares to my remembrance of other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. I remember the first and third parts solidly that happened, but almost nothing from the life review or whatever that was.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I could argue they all had especially meaningful significance for different reasons after the experience. Today though, being in that dark void was a conformation when I briefly experienced it again when I was meditating almost a year ago. Now I'm thinking about it. It's very similar to the end of some lucid dreams that I would have in my younger days.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I'm pretty open with the story now but I didn't tell it for a very long time. I honestly don't remember who the first person was that I told.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably real. I knew matter of fact that it was real. The question I went back and forth with was, was it something paranormal or some type of creation by the brain in the moment of facing death. Never hearing about NDEs for many years to come, I figure this was where the phrase, 'life flash before your eyes' came from.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was probably real. Between this experiences, other experiences and studying others things of theoretical sciences and ancient texts, I've learned to not fully believe or disbelieve in anything. Too many questions and very few answers.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes but I am going to reframe from elaborating.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? no

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? none

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