Travis S Probable NDE

Experience Description

I had a rough weekend suffering from Covid-19. I went into the emergency room on a Thursday evening, about a week after my symptoms started, and spent the weekend sleeping and very weak. I watched a lot of TV, but don't remember much.

On Sunday evening, we decided to call my mother and have her watch our 4 kids (all under 6). She agreed to stop by on Monday morning. On Monday morning, I showered and got ready, but I was feeling weak. I walked down the stairs and asked my wife when my mother would be arriving. She said that she had just left Sandy (25 minutes away). I assessed this against my ability to breathe and politely asked her to call an ambulance, before passing out...which I did. The ambulance came and I woke enough to greet them as they lifted me into the ambulance. I remember a short portion of the ride as well, but not much.

According to my wife, they had to cut my clothes off and immediately began pushing tubing down into my lungs. My less-than-conscious body struggled with this, and I heaved violently. They then used something to put me to sleep. I assume that the combination of the drugs used and my body's adverse reaction to (and misunderstanding of) the breathing tube turned my mind to a very negative place. In fact, I had many hallucinations, all in the hospital. People were telling me that they were going to kill me.

I'm a religious man, but my mind had turned so negative that I couldn't control myself enough to pray, or even think of it. My brain was clouded in a very confused, fearful, and angry state.

I was in a state of confusion for about a week, but I felt as if I was in the hospital for 3 months. Back home, my wife was supportive and upbeat. She had prayed that I'd have the comfort of my children who had died in 2007 and 2016, both from the same genetic anomaly. Elsewhere in my family, they worried that any such experience would send me off in the direction of the two children that I have missed so greatly. I had 4 beautiful children, all under six waiting at home...apparently they didn't have a lot of trust in my fulfillment of obligations.

In the midst of multiple hallucinations, all negative, and all happened within the hospital and my hospital room.

I can't emphasize enough how negative my mind had become. I needed a way to commit suicide to save myself from the torture of those (hallucinations) that wanted to kill me. My body was running out of energy, but I was in extreme panic. I must have hit the nurse call button a thousand times, but when they came into my room a few times, they ignored the sheer panic on my face. They had assumed that I knew exactly what the massive tube was in my mouth. To me, the tube was something that was keeping me from breathing. I did not know that the tube was breathing for me.

Once I concluded that the Nurses did not care, I wished to die, but I held out hope and kept breathing. Eventually my body was so exhausted that I took my final breath. Of course, the machine was still breathing for me, but this breath had me at a moment of pure exhaustion. I imagined that I had put in the effort and that I'd be okay if I just let myself die.

I was a little bothered that I hadn't died yet. I was still sitting there in the hospital room with a TV blaring. I had no visitors for my entire hospital stay and nobody to tell me to calm down or that I was going to be alright. My brain was in a very negative and very stupid place. I wanted to write essays about scenes in Transformers. In other words, I was in trouble.

But suddenly, I was somewhere besides my hospital room. I was in a building, like a subway with no corners and no edges, but there were openings throughout. There was light, but no light bulbs. The place smelled clean, and flowery, but I saw no flowers nearby.

Because I knew that I could not legitimately move from my hospital bed, I assumed that I was using some sort of virtual reality phone application. Of course, no such technology approaches this reality, but it was my only explanation. I knew I was stuck in a hospital bed. I couldn't wait for my wife to open up her app and meet me here to discuss my horrible '3 months.'

As I waited there, I became aware of the presence of a woman and a man. Not a married couple, but 30 somethings that had been a very big and very close part of our lives. This was communicated to me without words. A woman approached, while the man held back somewhere. I knew he was close by, but I didn't find it necessary to chase him down. I was overcome with the love of these people, I could feel it strongly, and things about these people were simply communicated to my heart. For a moment, still thinking this was an application, I thought to ask them their names. However, I recognized them, and they felt so familiar that I thought it would be inappropriate, even embarrassing to do so. Nobody needed to exclaim their love for me, for I felt it. It was explained to me without words that my small family had become their life's work, enough that I felt guilty...Didn't they have their OWN families to worry about?

I departed this place unintentionally, never viewing an 'app,' but still assuming that this was an application.

I found myself back at the hospital continuing my old feeble brained tricks. Once again, all was negative and there was no hope. I imagined giving myself a concussion in hopes that I'd die once the needles and chemicals stopped propping up my non-breathing body. I moved around violently, leaving deep tissue scars on my face in an attempt to escape.

But then I was back. The difference in peace vs panic was drastic, but not as drastic as the difference in the love I felt in this new location compared to any other feeling that I have felt up to this point in my 40 years. There was something different about the love I felt here. The beauty, light, and smell of the place are deeply ingrained in my mind, but none compare to the feeling of love in this place.

Once again, I was met by this woman. Once again, the man was nearby. Once again the feeling was there.

I wandered around silently, looking at this woman and innocently admiring her beauty. I wondered why she'd choose to take care of our family and our kids for so long. We smiled and enjoyed the views. An outdoor view that extended for great distances. It was as if we were on an island in the sky, but a bright haze blurred the edges of the land.

Finally, the woman sat me down. She spoke kindly and asked me to be calm. She told me that I would be okay and that WE would be whole again. While I thought it strange that she'd group herself in with the family, her words were perceived as truth. I knew it in my heart and in my mind. I don't know why there was no doubt from that moment, but I knew I'd be all right.

I returned to my hospital room immediately calm. I stopped fighting the attachments because I knew I'd be ok. Over the next day or so, they removed the ventilator and put an oxygen mask on me. As I recovered for the next few days, I thought back onto that woman. I knew that she loved us, but I tried to remember if she was a neighbor or a cousin or an old friend of my wife. I worried about her living situation. If she loved us so much, why wouldn't we have a place for her in the basement, something to save her if she was renting elsewhere. There was such a deep, but appropriate love, it felt wrong to have her anywhere but home...but why couldn't I remember her name, or where she currently lived.

Finally, after sufficient recovery, I realized that I did not know this woman. As I came to terms with how fake my hallucinations were, I assumed that this too, was imagined. I slipped into a state of depression, I still had no family or friends for the next week and I struggled to move, I struggled with incontinence, and I was coughing up multiple gallons of bloody mucus. I looked out onto the roof of the hospital room toward the mountains and felt sorry for myself. I felt sorry that I had nearly died but didn't have anything to show for it. I had a close friend who died, and I had two children who had died. I struggled that I was not able to see my friend or my babies (Baby #1 died in 2007 at 16 months and baby #2 died at 8 years of age in 2016). BUT there were major differences. My hallucinations were purely negative and ALL centered around me being tied down to a hospital bed/chair. The people in my hallucinations were either real nurses, or people who I have previously seen...like the two (hallucinated) nurses who looked like NFL player Richard Sherman.

The difference in this lone positive place was the love. I can still feel the love when I think of it. I can smell the smell, something I've never done in a dream. But mostly, I can see this woman's face and I can remember it clearly. In fact, I cannot stop thinking about her. There was a family love, a deep concern, but the picture in my mind is somebody with a deep family resemblance, something I never noticed while talking to her.

It's never been blatantly confirmed to me that I talked with my deceased and deformed infant daughter (now a 30 something old perfect woman), but I think I talked to her, and I think she saved my life. More importantly, I felt that she has been here all along helping my/her family in a way that I simply don't understand.

I think back to that man...the one who I didn't worry about...I knew I'd see him the next time I visited, of course, I thought I'd visit whenever I wanted. There must have been a reason that I sensed his presence and felt his love but was not able to see his face. I can't say what that reason was, but I suspect that I might have recognized him. He was 8 years old when he passed.

I'm not sure that I died, I'm only sure that doctors repeatedly prepared my wife for my death. But I was surely on death's door, and I was able to get an enormous sense of the love beyond the veil.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: 05/24/2021

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Illness Life threatening event, but not clinical death I was on a ventilator. The doctor (at discharge) told me that I had a 5% of survival at one point.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

Did you feel separated from your body? No I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal I was able to comprehend conversations without words and I was able to comprehend feeling, past actions, and care almost as if the information had been downloaded to me.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? When my oxygen was lowest and my body was weakest.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Faster than usual

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning There was no rush for anything. I'm a very impatient person, but I found myself soaking it in with no thought of time.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Immediately, the experience influenced me to choose ligfe.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My hearing took place in my mind. Some things were truly audible, but most things were communicated to my mind or to my hear.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I don't have a recollection of how I arrived at my destination.

Did you see any beings in your experience? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Yes Daughter, I felt the presence of my son.

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes I didn't see alarmingly bright light, but I saw light emanating from people and buildings. There were no lightbulbs.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm We remained in something like a subway tunnel, without a train, but it was pure beauty. In fact, it was nothing like a subway tunnel, except that it was a long dome (with openings). We remained in the tunnel-type place which was on an elevated land. I only saw blue skies from the edge of the elevated land.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Just love and trust. I didn't need answers and I didn't have questions. I just wanted to be there.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about myself or others I understood those around me. There was a 'download' of information with every though or appearance.

Did scenes from your past come back to you? I remembered many past events

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Christian- Mormon

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No

What is your religion now? Christian- Mormon

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience There were departures from expectations, but these experiences were consistent with my beliefs. I almost missed how special this opportunity this was because I imagined my daughter as a younger person.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes. I value actions more. I feel a deeper sense in doing good, rather than 'not being bad.'

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I actually saw them

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes I became aware that my family on the other side had specifically done something to bring me back.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? An afterlife definitely exists Yes A place beyond this death with our loved ones.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes I became aware that our deceased family members are aware of such hardships.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Pure love. Indescribable love.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Moderate changes in my life

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? No

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes I cannot express the love felt or how I became 100% sure about those things communicated to me.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience.e experience

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? My family prayed for me and a brother and my wife sensed that my children would greet me and care for me.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Only family. Only after a month or so. At that time, they confirmed their answered prayers and how they coincided with my experience.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably not real After a week, I lost hope because I didn't recognize the woman from my experience.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real After 3 weeks, I was kept up one night and I knew I needed to learn something from my near-death. I dwelled on everything, including the negative hallucinations. When I arrived at this experience, the smells, the feeling of love, and this certain face returned to my mind. It was at this moment that I recognized a familial resemblance in this women.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Uncertain I can relive this experience and feel it to a level. Writing it down brings back many of the feelings.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? No.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Ask what they smelled. Ask what structures they saw.