Vanessa W Probable NDE

Experience Description

I had my first NDE, or maybe just a miracle, when I was around the age of 7. I was about to cross a busy road in East Brunswick, NJ. I stood at the edge of my driveway, looking back and forth, back and forth waiting for the car's to pass by and then I crossed the road. As I started crossing, I saw this this very big car wind around the bend. The only thing I remember is seeing the cars left front fender by my right leg. Time must have stopped or something because as soon as my head lifted up I was at the edge of my neighbor's front yard. I remember we looked at each other and said, 'that's weird', and then I looked at the vehicle and saw it driving away, it's like the car didn't even have to slow down, no brakes or anything. At this point, my mom in utter shock came screaming out of the house, yelling at me because she just witnessed this 'thing' happen that nobody can explain. She ordered me to come home, but all I wanted to do was go over my friend's house and play. This this might not be a typical NDE as I was so young I don't remember anything about it, besides the physical reality.

My second one, I was around 15-16years old, 1992-1993 school year. I think it was fall time right around my birthday 11/22/76. I was at my mom's new store called Woman Within. A lady by the name Gail was doing transformational breath work with me. I think this was my first time doing this type of spiritual work. From what I remember, she had me lie down and breathe in and out my nose. I didn't really enjoy this, as it wasn't comfortable for me at all. Then something happened, I have NO idea how I got to 'this place' yet this is what I remember. I remember being in this darkness, some call it a void (as I recently learned), yet it was shaped like a geometric pattern, like a long triangle on its side. It was completely black, yet I could see (but no eyes or body). I remember I was like an amoeba shaped blob, kind of I guess, more like just energy.

The best part of this entire experience was the love. I've never felt love like that. It wasn't even describable in our English language. The best way I can describe it was like when you get into a bath and the water seeps into you warming every part of you. Well, replace the water with love. As I was floating in 'space', and absorbing all this love, I could see that I was carried very slowly toward a part of a triangle. It looked like these planes/grid lines were going closer and closer together. I wondered what it was, but I was so at peace and felt so much love, that I couldn't help but just bathe in it. There was nothing else, no worries, no body, no other people, and no light. There was just love encompassing everything, which was nothing.

It's so hard to explain. As I float there experiencing 'nothingness and everything all in one', I all of a sudden feel this giant pull, like a vacuum sucking me. Then I remember this huge rush of 'energy' and me trying to get back into my body through my head and eyes, it was like there was a vacuum sucking me back in. I remember thinking, 'I don't think I can fit, I'm too big' and it was such a tight feeling. Right then when I felt sucked back, I was previously laying down on Gail's massage table.

I shot up, like sitting up and I started rambling on, like my mouth was going a mile a minute, I had to tell her where I was! She calmed me down, probably because I scared her half to death. During the time of her session, I don't remember going out of my body, but I did which must of happened somewhere in the beginning of the breathing. Then while I was 'out' she started to get worried because she couldn't see my chest rising and falling (normal breathing), then she was getting really scared because she was holding a tissue or putting her hands and face to my nose and she couldn't feel me breathing at all. At this time, she started shaking me to awaken me and that's when it felt like someone sucked me back in. As I shot up babbling about how beautiful it was she laid me back down and tried to get me to relax. I asked how long I was 'out' she said around 15-20 minutes. I said, 'that's impossible', I felt like I was only there for a few minutes.

I was almost irritated that she woke me up. So when I tried to explain it to her, I felt like I couldn't get any words that could match the enormous feeling. The interesting part is immediately when I came back I felt like my mind kicked in and that made me loose the feeling faster and faster and I just wanted to hold onto it forever. Also immediately I had guilt come over me because I didn't 'think' of anyone that I was leaving behind, my family. I felt when I was 'back in my body', how could I just leave everyone behind and not care, didn't I love them? It was fascinating to experience all these human emotions as they didn't exist in the 'void' or whatever you want to call it. Oh and the last thing, I realized who 'GOD' was when I was there in the void. It was like the information was just known, not even taught or learned, just all knowing. I knew 'GOD' was the love I was feeling. It amazes me that a dark space, void of people, and being all alone, was the most beautiful loving experience I could ever have. Although I didn't feel alone or scared, I just felt love.

This is my first time that I actually told anyone publicly about my experience. I questioned why I didn't say much to others, maybe I thought they wouldn't understand but more for the fact that I felt words diminished the experience. I know that sounds bizarre, but I wanted to savor this, and not exploit it. Yet now when I talk about it it's encompassing and actually livens me up because I get to re-member who I really am and what I'm capable of. We all are that's for sure.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 1992

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No 'Transformational Breath session. Note; I've had a few sessions, but NONE like this one.' Other 'Transformational Breath session. Note; I've had a few sessions, but NONE like this one.'

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? No I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Mid-way through the transformational breathing session.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning The only way I realized there was time was when I came back and asked how long was I there? I thought I was gone for a while, but then I also simultaneously thought I was there for a few min. When I came back Gail said that I was 'out' for at least 15-20 min, but it felt like less than 5minutes.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? No

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. It was pretty much the same, yet it was like a dream as I could see myself and at the same time I was in my blob energy body floating there. My vision after was regular.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I don't remember hearing anything, not feeling deaf, just not aware of sounds. My hearing after was regular.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Uncertain I did not pass through a tunnel that I'm aware of. All I remember was that I was just 'there', but coming back felt more like a funnel cloud or a vacuum.

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

The experience included: Void

The experience included: Darkness

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? No

Did you see an unearthly light? No

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm The other world is black/void of color and there were planes, like grids. It was kind of like a triangle lying on its side, yet there wasn't a sharp point, but it did get narrower ahead of me.

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? PURE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE that words cannot do justice.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Slightly important to me

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Religious unaffiliated

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I don't have any religious beliefs; they are now all 'spiritual' as I don't believe in anything religions believe in. Meaning that, I believe that whatever you believe you'll create it. If you believe Jesus will meet you at the pearly gates, then maybe when you die you'll at least 'see' him. For me, it's all good. All of what people believe I think is perfect for them. I just know that it's love and that's all I need.

What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me

What is your religion now? Other or several faiths I don't have a religious background sort of speak, but I do have a spiritual one that encompasses everything I do.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience Well I wasn't really brought up religious, but we did go to Sunday School and Church some, but I never believed in most of what they taught. Does scribbling in the bible say enough?;) But I did believe that God was a person, since I would write to him. I think I thought God was Jesus, kind of at least as a person. When I was in that place/void I realized that my beliefs about God weren't real. Well they were real, but completely limited by the mind. I found out that God was love, like air. We absorb it, heck we are it! ;)

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I trusted that I'm love. I didn't have to 'do' anything for it, it was me.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No This 'being' was everything; love. I was even 'it', there was no separateness, and it was like air. How do you separate air?

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes Well there were no other beings, yet I didn't feel alone at all. I felt like there was 'God/Love' and it felt like I was ALL of it. Maybe even all beings?

Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God definitely exists

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes I felt like God did exist but it wasn't the 'God' humans describe. It was like air, and if air was love, and then I was all of it.

Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes If you consider special knowledge to be knowing how wonderful you are and how just 'being' is, then yes. There was no need to 'do' anything, not even go toward or away from somewhere, I was just a blob floating sort of speak.

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Uncertain I didn't 'learn' anything. It was more that I just knew, and I knew God to be love. It was like taking a bath in love. I was blissed out;)

Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife definitely exists

Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists No

Did you fear death prior to your experience? I moderately feared death

Do you fear death after your experience? I do not fear death

Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life

Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are meaningful and significant

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Uncertain It wasn't information. It was just how it was, being in-love unconditionally and beyond our physical senses.

Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life Well, I was 15 so my whole self was in a daily occurrence of change, but the one thing I just realized is after that experience I actually had a lot of difficulty staying in my body. I'd have half-out-of-body experiences. They would be so bad I'd have to go to sleep even in the middle of the day so they would stop. It scared me tremendously. All I would have to do is look in the mirror and question, 'Who am I' and then I could actually see myself rise from my head area. I never did it fully because I was so scared of the feeling and it was always so scary that I wouldn't be able to get back in. I still battle with this, but feel like I've gotten more control over it. All through high school, I remember always going out of my body, like a foot out, so half in half out. I felt like I had clown feet, as my whole body would be in front of my physical body. I would pinch myself and scrap my arms sometimes until they would bleed (which I HATED blood), just so it would hurt enough so I would get back into my body. As I'm writing this I can't explain the epiphany that I just realized, there's a whole story to my life and this was the missing piece of the puzzle as I struggled for many years after my car accident (1/25/99) with my health and such, but in that experience I left my body, also because I 'foresaw' it. That's a whole other email. If you want to know more, you can ask me. As I feel like I'm already overloading the system ;). What I realized is that I cause myself pain in a way so I can stay in my body. Yet this is such a disservice to who I really am. I always go to 'healers' and such and for some reason the same thing comes up again and again, of how do I stay in my body?

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes I became more sensitive.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes It's like we don't have the vocabulary in any language to express the love I absorbed.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I do not know how my remembrance of the experience compares to my remembrance of other life events at time I really don't understand this question. I'm sorry :(

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I've seemed to experience highly intuitive skills.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? ALL of it, even coming back into this tight body. It was a trip of a lifetime.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I told my mother as soon as it happened and recently I've told others.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real Probably even more real than this reality.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Uncertain I tried to do the transformational breath several times afterward and one time following my NDE I felt beings in the room, some holding my feet, but I didn't leave my body. Also other sessions of TB I felt like it was difficult and kind of got worse, like my body would cramp substantially and I then stopped doing TB after 4-5 times.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? My one suggestion is that it be broken down into sections to submit.