Willema M Possible NDE

Experience Description

I tried to kill myself 14 different ways that day. I finally settled on a bag over my head after taking several medications to make me drowsy. I remember it took a while for me to actually get to the point that my body actually stopped fighting me. It wasn't awful, after that...

I felt like I was falling down a tunnel and there was a light at the end. But the light never got closer.

I think that may be partly because my friend noticed that I stopped responding and came to check on me that day. I heard him at my locked door with my roommate. They sounded far away though.

In any case, hearing them was enough for me to think, even for a moment, 'if they get in here and I'm gone they're going to try to bring me back. If they bring me back, I probably won't be the same and fully functional.'

So, I ripped the bag off my head, opened the door, and passed out for many hours thereafter. I felt disconnected from my body for a long while after, like a part of me had actually died although obviously I can't be certain of that. My heart had almost stopped beating when I heard them at my door. My heartbeat was slow as I could hear it in my ears. It was louder than anything else, even my friends' voices at the time.


Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: Sometime in late 2016

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Uncertain Suicide attempt. Life threatening event, but not clinical death. I'm not sure of the context of this question.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Neither pleasant NOR distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I heard my friends at the door. I felt at the time that it was the last chance I had to back out of the experience and still retain everything I had before the experience. I lost awareness of my body

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? Normal consciousness and alertness. It was the same level of awareness I would normally experience

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? The whole time. I didn't pass out once.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning. I felt almost frozen in that moment or like I had more time to consider that I was actually going to die. That's how I could have the thought that snapped me out of it. I had time (or time didn't exist...) to think about it

Were your senses More vivid than usual? No

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I couldn't focus my eyes on anything for a while after the experience. I thought it had something to do with the medication I took.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Everything was far away and echoed.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere, as if by ESP? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? Yes It was dark and I felt like I was falling down a tunnel but the light didn't get closer. the light seemed the same distance the whole experience, despite sensations of moving down the tunnel.

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? An unusually bright light

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes I saw tThe light at the end of the tunnel. Prior to that, I saw nothing.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? No

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Calm until the adrenaline shot me out of bed.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt no longer in conflict with nature

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? I remembered many past events

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a definite conscious decision to return to life. I was not stopped by the experience in any way, but it seemed as though it gave me an opportunity to make the decision to step back

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Agnostic. I was raised in the church; I don't think it had an effect on my overall NDE.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No

What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Agnostic

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. I don't believe in anything, but I'm open to any number of possibilities. I didn't have any beliefs prior or after the experience. I'm still wondering what happened and still open to understanding it. I don't solidly believe anything.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I thought living as a vegetable would be worse than the awful life I already had prior to the experience. I thought that perhaps there's more in the world I have yet to experience.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? No

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Yes That I had to go back, because I didn't want them to bring me back in a vegetative state. I highly doubted anyone would have the mercy to just let me die in those circumstances, no matter what I would've wanted.

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Unknown No

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes That it wasn't as big a deal that I was likely making it out to be. Prior to the experience, love was the whole reason I wanted to live.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I traumatized my friend.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? No

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience. I was a very dramatic set of experience and circumstances. So it's not very easily forgotten.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I guess getting to decide. I could've just let the experience keep happening by ignoring my friends. I knew that they wouldn't have made it in in time to save me. They also did not have the experience to properly save me either.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Not too long after, I was trying to process what happened that day.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I've seen plenty of things about it on the internet.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real. It happened, I lived it and so I believe it.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real It happened, I lived it and so I believe it.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes Losing air again.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? No.

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? Not that I can currently suggest.