Yann D Experience

Experience Description

I was 7 or 8 years old and underwent surgery to remove the tonsils. Anesthesia had been done by applying a gas via a mask. I felt like the mask was suffocating me. It was a traumatic experience and felt like an act of violence.

Without transition I found myself instantly in outer space. This space was of an ebony blackness without the slightly bluish tone of our night sky. Nevertheless, this immensity wasn't opaque, nor was it dark. The blackness had an intrinsic quality of light that allowed one to grasp its infinite extent. A multitude of stars filled this space. Their number was quite superior to the stars that one can see at night. They were very large, but distant, and having variable sizes. Their luminosity was a lively white, of a brightness that could be compared to a mix of chromium and diamond.

The object, that was more like an entity, was pulling me along this space with dazzling speed. This entity was an enormous mass without defined form that was malleable and at least a hundred times bigger that me. This form was of a pink color. It was like imagining a cloud that would have the consistency of firm chewing gum, whose form and outlines changed a little bit, while still keeping an integrity. You could also compare it to a kind of muscle made of modeling clay, endowed with its own will. A light was illuminating us. It was of a power and whiteness that was almost material, but not directional. The quality of this Light was related to the one that gave the darkness an internal luminosity. I desperately embraced the form that pulled me along with an incredible speed. I was afraid that if I let go, I would find myself abandoned in this strange space. This pink mass was enormous, but it changed form between my arms, so I could squeeze a small protuberance against my body. However, I had to adjust my position regularly because this slightly soft matter kept changing shape and was escaping me in the long run.

I was scared, and this mass that I sensed like an entity, was exactly what a lifeline would be for a shipwrecked at sea. The enormous rate of speed was frightening.

This journey in a strange space continued without event or interruption until I woke up. After surgery, as soon as I could speak, I only had one need. I needed to talk about this experience. I remember that nobody, including my mother was interesting in hearing about my experience. I say this experience, as I wanted to share and make them understand was not a dream, but was my having lived a strange experience. As an adolescent, I remember having tried several times to talk about it. I always had the desire and the need to communicate this intense experience that felt too heavy to carry unless I communicated it to another person.

Even today, this experience remains with me. It is not like a memory, but rather like an inclusion. It is not like a fragment between the events that fill my memory, but like a parentheses or like an anomaly in the course of my life.

Background Information:

Gender: Male

Date NDE Occurred: 1974 or 1975

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? No. Surgery-related Other Anesthesia

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely distressing

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? No No

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal Imagine that you always have a thin veil in front of your eyes filtering the light. During this experience, this veil wasn't there.

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? The whole experience was very linear, and in a state of bright consciousness.

Were your thoughts speeded up? No

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? No

Were your senses more vivid than usual? More vivid than usual

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My vision was not directional, as it normally is.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. 40 years later, I have no recollection of sound. It doesn't mean there was none, though.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

The experience included: Void

The experience included: Darkness

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? An unusually bright light

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? Some unfamiliar and strange place A space with luminous blackness, and exceptionally bright stars.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Scared, bewildered, worried, slight exaltation

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? No

Did you have a feeling of joy? No

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? No

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? No

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? No

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Unknown

What was your religion prior to your experience? Unaffiliated- Atheist

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? No

What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me

What is your religion now? Unaffiliated- Nothing in particular- Secular unaffiliated

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. Travelling through space was something I could have conceived at this age: but definitely not in this kind of space, and not hugging an enormous jelly-like pink entity.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Uncertain I don't really know. But I recently read a book describing changes in life and personality for people having been through a NDE. I was astonished to discover that I have shared, and still do, so many particularities with them that there may be a link.

The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin No voice. But a strange being, quite.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? No

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? No

Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God does not exist

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? No

Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? Unknown

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Unknown

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? No

Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? Unknown

Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? I am uncertain if an afterlife exists No

Did you fear death prior to your experience? Unknown

Do you fear death after your experience? I slightly fear death

Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Greatly fearful in living my earthly life

Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Unknown

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Unknown

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? No

Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others

During your experience, did you gain information about love? No

Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Unknown Unknown

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Uncertain My relationships, as I have discovered much later, share many common points with people having experienced an NDE. But was it like that already before my own curious experience. This is hard to tell, I was just a child.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes The nature of the luminosity and the quality of the space's blackness cannot easily be rendered in words. But this is almost impossible to describe the rubbery pink ‘entity’.

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? No

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes At least I tried to; nobody ever cared to really listen.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real It felt more real than current life.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was probably real I know the intensity of the experience has been unchanged in my mind for decades. But I feel that, lately, the true emotion of it is fading a bit. Like an old picture, you have looked and manipulated so much that it has worn a bit.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No