Yazmine S NDE

Experience Description

I miscarried the baby in the hospital and though I was very sad about the event, I felt that all was meant to be. As if I've never wanted to name the Divine as I would like to refer to Him as: The Great Presence.

Two nurses came to take me up a few stairs to for an internal exam. As we went up I felt myself begin to reel backwards and off I went round and round through space. I stopped spinning and began flying past planets and stars, I flew through the rings of Saturn seeing massive rocks and dust particles right before my eyes, I was marveling at the astounding beauty and laughing about how no one on Earth would believe my experience. It all felt so wonderful, so exactly perfect, I was an astronaut, a fabulous free spirit of joy! I was filled with indescribable joy and love for all of creation from the vastness of space to the smallest of all nano-expressions!

Then suddenly I was above my body, which lay on a stretcher, wearing a white hospital gown, I looked at my body and knew it wasn't the real me, it was the thing I had been caught inside, and now I was free! Oh and how I felt such happiness! The joy was all-pervading, it was the real world, pain, suffering, loss, and all illusionary experience that we like to get all knotted up about. Everything was becoming clear to me. Oh and the nurses were calling my name, one was crying tears, another was saying ''oh my God, we've lost her!’ meanwhile I was above them thinking ‘what silly Billy’s, they were making all that fuss, wondering why they couldn't see me and just know that all was perfectly fabulous!’ Then I saw a window, which was open about 6 inches wide, and I thought, 'Wow, I wonder if I can fit through there’, then instantly I was in another state.

I was flying through Goldenness: pure, serene, and delightful Goldenness. Oh, wow! I was held by this serenity for the longest time, I couldn't do anything except be with It and It with me. It was inside me. It was me. It was in and with everyone and everything. It had always been in and with everything. It was and is Truth, Love, Compassion, Joy, and All. This Goldenness held all information. It was the One Mind. It contained the creation of all of everything ever created. I felt, I experienced everything that has ever been and ever shall be. All is simultaneously occurring. There is no past or future. It all just IS.

There is no way to describe the immaculate beauty of this experience, though every day for the last 35 years I wish I could find a way. Bliss, is a mere descriptive word, yet does not give to you what I wish I could, but yes ‘bliss’ is close, in a way. I saw and experienced every single detail of my present life up to that moment, like watching a movie yet starring as the main character simultaneously. This made me feel quite sad, as I had not lived my life in a state of serene joy, and felt ashamed.

Ashamed that I had not realized how imperative it is for one to be incredibly happy in this life, no matter the circumstances. The pain, the fear: no matter what! All our material conflicts of body and mind are quite unimportant in the state of ultimate freedom and blissful awareness to which we shall all return. I felt I had been unfaithful to The Great Presence, who like a divinely loving Mother, who I had let down. I was my own judge. Yet I was this love simultaneously. I saw how all of Humanity has walked with eyes cast low to the Earth, not opening wide to the beauty of the one loving presence of Golden peace. This peace is one in which we truly live, yet do not see. I saw how sadness overcomes those who cannot forgive themselves or others; and on their day of an awakened mind, they too shall be ashamed and slowly sink to a lower experience.

I saw how in being uplifted we could all ascend to the true joy together as a loving family of Beings beyond a human life in mundane-ness. I saw how there is a level of fear so ingrained in some, it's hard to look at, and yet they too, can find a way through to peacefulness. I saw how things will change, yet only after massive suffering and yet I saw, too, that it is possible to end suffering. I saw that I had a purpose and that all beings have purpose. I saw we are not separate; we are the entire One. I saw that we must have all the courage possible to achieve this fabulous unity. It is highly possible.

I felt and experienced all of creation as an Omni-experience, there was no time involved at any level. I saw it is so simple it cannot be expressed; it is best to let the mind be still and then it may occur of itself. It was such a feeling of raised joy I was in. In the distance, a Great Presence appeared which is the most Ultimate of Holiness emanating extraordinary Brilliance! This Great Presence is the Heart of all of everything: we are but foolish children! I put my arms out to try to fly and saw that there were rainbows of colors: I was a rainbow being. I was made of light and color: I was overjoyed! I thought I can fly to the Great Presence before me and unite with the purity of all that is, was, and ever shall be. That was my heart’s desire, to be at one with the Great Presence which 'they' call God, and yet I dare not announce a name to that which is beyond naming.

I begin to fly and move closer to that beauteous sight and begin to feel the Great Presence pervade my very core, as if my entirety is exploding into love. Then a great powerful voice, which seems to echo in all directions and vibrates through to my very soul, declares: ‘It is not your time’, whereupon I feel such sorrow and in my mind, I am saying ‘No, no, no. Please don't make me go back’, for I do not want to return to this Earth, ever again. I awake in the hospital bed two days later and cry in heartache that I am here on Earth again. I have never felt at home here on earth. I have been alone with this and many other amazing and profound experiences for which I struggle to find anyone to which I can connect.

I do hope my experience is of some help, and I wish I could re-write it so I don't leave anything out, but I am afraid that would take a long time as there is too much to explain here. But since then I have been living as if in a double life, for no one would believe me if I told them everything I have seen.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 1978

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function or brain function) I had miscarried at 5 months pregnant, and as I lay in bed overnight I almost bled to death. They had to give me 6 pints of blood. I was 'out' or 'dead' for 6 minutes. I remained unconscious for two days.

How do you consider the content of your experience? Entirely pleasant

The experience included: Out of body experience

Did you feel separated from your body? Yes I saw the nurses standing over my biological body, one was crying, they were stressing out because they realized the body was dead. The older one was being all-controlling and in charge and the younger one was crying and getting very upset. I could feel their personalities and knew they were worried about getting into serious trouble. They were dropping things and rushing about, pushing alarm buttons and doing CPR on the body. I couldn't wait to leave. When I awoke 2 days, later the young nurse came to see me and told me I had died for 6 minutes and had been given more than 6 pints of blood. My arms and hands were a mass of bruises where they had tried to stick in the IV lines. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? I feel that my awareness was omnipresent during the Goldenness, expanding vastly as I neared The Great Presence of Light. I was aware of all that is, was, and ever shall be. Whereas in this body I am aware of my insufficient awareness, except as an under-current.

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning No time, only universe; reality is in the words even: Reality = Real Light, simultaneous experience, constancy, now-ness; a harmony beyond music, purity of creation. I was experiencing being in the knowing of everything. I was aware of all and everything that is, was, and ever shall be. It was a feeling of great wonder, like a child of innocence yet ancient and fully comprehensible.

Were your senses more vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. My vision was not as if with these eyes. If you meditate you understand what I mean when I say 'see' for in heightened awareness states one sees not with physical eyes but with simple awareness, impossible to explain, simple to experience.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Hearing is different from listening, however that is another subject. But it is not through the ears but through awareness. Being in the awakened state of awareness means exactly that: one is aware of all simultaneously without effort of eyes or ears.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? Uncertain This is difficult: being as all of life is held in the Goldenness and as it was in me and me in it, I felt all. I was omnipresent. Therefore, I was connected to all creation, which includes everyone! But nobody was there right in front of me, yet everyone was there in the love!

The experience included: Unearthly light

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? An unusually bright light

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes I saw and became one with the pure Golden Light of the vast and great all-knowing wisdom of all that is: perhaps this is Nirvana, certainly it was bliss. All was alive with the Goldenness. Yet it was all there ever could be, eternally perfect, undisturbed. Yet once the clear and even brighter light appeared, I knew that was my ultimate goal, my real and true home, source, holy, holy essence, divine sweetness, and nectar, Divine hearth, it could be no less than the supreme heart of all creation, beyond anything I have ever found described in any 'holy' book. I am lost for words.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm As I said earlier, I entered a Golden Light which seemed to be that which contains all that is, was, and ever shall be. It is an omnipresent state of all knowing, all seeing: sublime being. The light held me, supported me, and caressed me with Divine purity. I gazed into it seeing each particle bouncing around like billions of teeny atoms sparkling all about and within me: for as far as I could see, which was forever. Then in the distance the great brilliance of the Great Presence appeared causing me to fly in desperation towards it, my true home. However no, I did not go into an altered reality, but I have done so in a float tank in recent years.

The experience included: Strong emotional tone

What emotions did you feel during the experience? I felt profound love, profound compassion, and incredible unity. I still feel all of it, but living in this world it is as if I have to 'pretend' to be someone I am not, for fear of recrimination and distrust. I pretend to be a happy-go-lucky type who couldn't even spell the word 'profound'.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Incredible peace or pleasantness

Did you have a feeling of joy? incredible joy

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

The experience included: Special knowledge or purpose

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe Yes, I understood EVERYTHING! It was a wondrous feeling of knowing at a level beyond 'normal' feeling or knowing, perhaps 'boundless wisdom' may describe it for you. I knew how everything came about through desire and addiction to behaviors, through yearning and fearful thoughts, through materialistic grabbing onto, and how beings/humans longed to find a way through but gave up due to constantly being magnetized to their fearful connections. Not trusting their own heartfelt truths; giving their energy to negative forces, wanting to fit in. I knew everything about the world, animals, insects, ocean life, plants and trees, water, air, fire, the winds, the sky, song: all these things have life. The Great Mother Earth who loves us all, the harmony which waits silently in the background of all experience for those with eyes to see.

The experience included: Life review

Did scenes from your past come back to you? My past flashed before me, out of my control

The experience included: Awareness of the future

Did scenes from the future come to you? Scenes from the world's future I saw how the world of people wanted to wake up, yet there were some in high places who all they could do to stop it. But I saw that some beings on Earth who had such high awareness that they would create a chain reaction and start the event of awakening. However, I also saw that this has been in 'the works' for many eons and is the natural outcome of what has been, and why we are here. I saw that all is perfect even though it really does not appear to be, but it is because this is what will make the future assembly of humanity sing the one song which is their true birthright and inheritance from the first Mother and Father who art in Heaven. Here is where they begin to take over my writing, so you see it is difficult for me to stick to your format. I am struggling to keep with you here. I have seen a lot, but it is full of joy. Ultimately, we as one verse ascend into our light bodies, which I have seen are just like holograms of light and color: for to achieve the rainbow body is slightly different to the body of clear light. Anyway, that is the personal future of beings but as for the planet.

There is a lot of work and we have to do it; it's as if Yin and Yang have a major argument and then when they reach the unbearable state they will dissolve into each other and a completely new universe is born which is far in the future. I cannot really tell you this all right now, but for now, at this stage, it is all like kids having a punch up in backyard, human beings are so immature at this stage they have to keep fighting; but as we know, there are many here, now, who understand and live a better way and set a higher example. We shall see that those who have opened their hearts and minds to understanding have dropped fearful thought forms and live lighter and happier lives. Many earthquakes, rising oceans, 600 mph winds are on the way, but we have no fear for it is all known and meant to be. I just seemed to know everything at the time, and now I just get bits and pieces.

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What importance did you place on your religious/spiritual life prior to your experience? Greatly important to me

What was your religion prior to your experience? Other or several faiths I attended Church of England sunday school..my mother was not religious.. I had visions and dreams of Jesus and Angels throughout my childhood..since I was 5yrs old I wanted to be a nun when I grew up.

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I have looked into many different spiritual paths. Desperate I was to find something like me. Tibetan Buddhism came close. I receive a lot of messages from beyond this realm and I used to write it all down but these days I don't, though it is difficult as I carry a lot of unexpressed information which I feel needs a release. This is constant, the messages are from 'above', as it were, and some of it seems imperative. But where would one express such sentences? I do not know.

What importance do you place on your religious/spiritual life after your experience? Greatly important to me

What is your religion now? Buddhist I went to Sunday School at 5yrs old where I felt the presence of Jesus for the first time,He appeared to me in a dream at 13yrs,telling me to go to NZ..at 24yrs old I practiced Sufism ,loved Mysticism, anything and everything 'spiritual',searching for a way to be..in 1993 I had a very vivid UFO experience of profound loving kindness, and I found Tibetan Buddhism.Simultaneously in '93 I met a man who beat me almost to the point of death,at that stage of great fear,the Buddha appeared and told me to leave..I then spent a couple of years talking about my hellish experiences with a counsellor. 2yrs ago I saw her in a supermarket and she asked me ''how did you do it?'' she mean't how did I break thru the intense fear experiences of '94-95'..I said..I believe in power of goodness..we are loved beyond our imagination..it is vast.These days I am simple..I do a little meditation..still love the teachings of the Buddha..believe enlightenment is our natural state..I do I Ching readings now & then.As I am writing this I feel the presence of great loving kindness..as if I was mean't to share my story long ago. I have seen beautiful people,pure joyfulness in another realm,close to ours,as if they await our arrival,as we open our eyes to a new world.

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was entirely consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience I didn't really have a 'belief system' as such, I was 21 and had a one year old son,I was very spiritual is all I can say..I had seen visions and I knew I was a bit different,more sensitive than others around me at that time. I felt my NDE to be a real blessing at that time.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes Well I didn't want to be here anymore. I felt that everyone is just living a lie and I was frustrated that I couldn't do anything about it. I felt so alone. I tried to tell people to get into the light of joy, but they wouldn't take me seriously, so I gave up; and honestly, it's taking me a lifetime to figure out how to live here. I am such a head case I had to learn to hide my true thoughts everywhere I go. Ha! Nowadays being older and a bit wiser, I just laugh at myself and don't worry so much. I was quite suicidal until my forties, but always knew the work had to be done whilst in the body.

The experience included: Presence of unearthly beings

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin I felt the presence of a Being of great power and his voice was as pure and clear as is impossible to explain. Yet I am sure He was and is of Angelic potency, as I have since born witness to an actual meeting with Him in broad daylight once outside my house; and I have heard Him call me in the night, and guide me in life. This is very difficult for me to tell you, but I feel it is my time to help, if I can in some small way.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? Yes Yes I ..well I just knew everything simultaneously so I knew and understood all of everything and everyone..we all share the same atoms..we all have the knowing of all beings..Jesus, Mohhammed and the Buddha were ascended from that state yet I felt their

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? Uncertain oh yes I knew I had lived many lives, as we all have been all things which ever were and ever shall be..we are the Universe..the ONE VERSE.I saw/knew that I had had many lives yet I wasn't interested in looking at them..

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes yes unity,connectedness, oneness, as if all of life is one great inter-woven tapestry which is being unravelled and as such we are expanding our vision and comprehension of life ,the universe etc

Did you believe in the existence of God prior to your experience? God definitely exists

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes The Goldenness was like all knowing and wisdom..whereas the sheer clarity of the Brilliant Light was what one may call 'God'..however I cannot really say that as it seems to me we are incorrect to name such Sacred Holiness and power.. as such I can only say I have witnessed the ultimate of all that is was and ever shall be,yet I cannot name that which cannot be described.

Do you believe in the existence of God after your experience? God definitely exists

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? Uncertain I did feel I had a mission, and it was to get to the Great Presence, the most brilliant clear light of the whole experience. But it was every single being’s mission in this universe, so we are all together in our ultimate destination. That is joyful beyond descriptive language.

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are probably meaningful and significant

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes I felt/saw/knew that we all had a similar purpose which was to discover our own greatness which when found allows us to live in our complete happiness yet this happiness is not easily found as it lays hidden behind things that we are afraid of..

Did you believe in an afterlife prior to your experience? An afterlife definitely exists

Do you believe in an afterlife after your experience? An afterlife definitely exists Yes ha! yes..I saw that all life is simply aspects of a vast continuumm..once the realization of mind awareness occurs one is overjoyed seeing that the term 'death' is bantered about the place like some kind of constant threat to keep us all in order! we do n

Did you fear death prior to your experience? I greatly feared death

Do you fear death after your experience? I greatly fear death

Were you fearful living your life prior to your experience? Moderately fearful in living my earthly life

Were you fearful living your life after your experience? Slightly fearful in living my earthly life

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant prior to your experience? Are probably meaningful and significant

Did you believe that our earthly lives are meaningful and significant after your experience? Are meaningful and significant

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? Yes I knew that we are all beings of light,but the longer we dis-believe it the heavier we become..our inner body holds the light of our consciousness which is like a seed that can grow in a vertical sense into illumination..I was not really aware of a soul as such but more of my truth being without conflict ,being an energized awareness.

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes I saw that people forget so easily when they are in their physical bodies due to the tremendous effect that gravity has upon the mind. Regaining our memory comes with enhancing our inner being/life and expanding our awareness through meditation and ri

Were you compassionate prior to your experience? Moderately compassionate toward others

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes Absolutely all of my experience was love filled and love expansion..however the word 'love' does not describe the magnificence of the feeling of all pervading lovingness which holds and guides us through but is powerful and awe inspiring simultaneously.

Were you compassionate after your experience? Greatly compassionate toward others

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life Large changes in my life. I have been to Heaven and Hell and now I am just being here. It has been a long and difficult journey but I have enjoyed and found a few pearls of wisdom. I am now beginning to relax into my real self as I mature, but I am a slow and stupid learner so I hope I can achieve some good before I depart. I wish to allow myself the luxury of becoming an 'authentic ' human being for the benefit of all sentient beings.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes Yes I have always struggled with relationships, however, people seem to love having me around, but I worry they may become unhappy with me if I get too honest.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes Well to explain the VASTNESS of PURE JOY and WISDOM is impossible!!! Also, I have never spoken of this to anyone except a counselor who said nothing, being as she could not, in her capacity as a counselor, share her feelings. I carry a lot of stuff I would like to share, but have not found anyone, except my friend Geoff in France, and he sent me a book saying ‘this is you Yaz: 'Dying to be Me' by Anita Moojani’, which made me cry tears of joy that another one has seen with similar eyes. Your email address is in the book, as you must know!

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience as accurately as other life events that occurred around the time of the experience yes I remember everything around the time of my NDE ,I was in an intense and heightened state of awareness for many weeks afterwards during which time I saw a medium who was deeply moved as the clear bright light pervaded his kitchen as we spoke about my NDE..I knew then that I had been changed in some way..opened up,in a sense..and yet I have always tried to hide it . So this is a huge step for me.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes Oh dear, I can attune to certain Beings of wisdom, I can understand people at a deep level. I see visions. Sometimes people who have just died come to me afraid of their next step. I do I Ching readings, and sometimes I do healing massage. I had stigmata in both hands. I've had several experiences with extraterrestrials of incredible loving kindness…h-m-m-m. It is difficult to write all this stuff here.

One summer afternoon, I saw the sun transform into a swirl of rainbow light. The world changed before my eyes. It was about 3 pm on a sunny day and I decided to walk up the hill behind the house. I sat down on the green grass and listened to the birds. Many birds were around me including a bright green parrot which had moved into my garden. Birds seemed to follow me everywhere, even landing on my head. As I sat there looking out over the forest the sun seemed to melt into a huge ball of rainbows swirling and turning around and in my mind was the knowing that it was showing me the truth of this reality. This world is an illusion.

I saw on that afternoon, in broad daylight, exactly what I saw in my NDE. We are rainbows. We are free.

I went to a meditation class given by a Tibetan Lama. I was last to arrive so sat down at the back of the temple.

Shamatha is a calm, abiding meditation and means just that.. Simply sit with eyes open, yet relaxed and gaze into the space approximately four inches in front of ones nose, breathe through the nose, tongue resting behind top teeth and lips slightly open, sitting with spine straight.. We practiced this for ten minutes then break for five minutes for an hour on and off. During the meditation I saw the whole place including all the people become completely transparent, become rainbow bodies. Everything and everybody were exactly the same except become the most beautiful sight. The whole place including myself were in our true form, which is who we really are, and I knew this in my heart. I knew I was looking out from my real self, not my attached and worldly self. This is the same way I saw my body in my NDE. I was so happy to see it again on an afternoon in Karma Choling Buddhist Monastery in Kaukaupakaupa NZ.

Once I was trapped in a frightening place. This is a long and frightening story. However, one day I was thinking today might be a good day to escape when I noticed a rainbow moving back and forth on the kitchen wall. I looked, yet no wind blew through that room to disturb the rainbow crystal hanging in the kitchen window. Then I felt an incredible presence of peace and love. I became very calm. The rainbow grew bigger on the wall, so beautiful to see such brilliant colors of light. Then the Image of a Golden Buddha appeared within that rainbow surrounded by nine others. He spoke to me saying 'You must leave now'. I knelt on the floor for I couldn't stand in the presence of such a one. Foolish as I am I was doubting the whole thing and said, 'Leave now?' and the Buddha said again 'Yes you must leave now!' The image faded away I took the crystal down and put it in my bag. I packed my car up and went to leave but I decided to check one more time inside the house. I ran from the car up the path and stopped, for there on the path was lying a bamboo branch, I knew it meant I must not go back inside but I stepped over it and ran into the house. A car arrived with the bad man in it. That man tortured me for many hours until he thought he had killed me. I feigned death in order to survive. I would like to share that story but it is very terrible, a journey into Hell without hope. Yet I was rescued by many spiritual beings who are our protectors who have overcome this worldly cyclic life.

Since my NDE, I have been a witness to many phenomena beyond this daily world. I have spent my whole life alone with my experiences and worry about sharing what I see. That bad man spent nearly two years trying to get me to tell him everything, he was very strange, like a human without a soul. .I did escape eventually!

I know the loving presence is with me yet I am afraid to allow it in. Flowers grow into spiral designs and birds land on my head. I have had stigmata in both hands and many experiences with Beings from other dimensions. I have been blessed by the profound love that is Eternal. Yet I cannot really tell you how this is, except to say I am alone in the world but not in Spirit. We are all loved Eternally.

The presence of a pure soul appeared to me began as a small sphere of golden light growing into a man sized golden haze. Within that light was a being of profound loving kindness. He is called Emmanuelle. He reached out and into my body and took out my heart replacing it with his own. I was petrified and felt a great fear and dread. I surrendered to his presence. His heartbeat with conscious awareness inside my chest. I thought I would die it was so powerful filling up all space and time. I was but a speck of dust. Yet I saw this world like never before. I saw the beginning and the end. I saw all of all earthly life living in blindness. Not looking up, yet looking down into the earth. I was not raising their spirit to the Heavens but walking in desolation and fear of death. This potent moment I cannot explain the sorrow that took over my very soul. I was awakened to the truth of this world, which is a false reality. I saw that a cunning force misled human beings. As in my NDE the most important message was for us to begin to live in harmony with the Joy which is was and ever shall be.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The whole experience has been with me every day since it happened 35 years ago. Always I wonder, am I meant to share this with someone? I have found you because of Geoff sending me Anita's book. Wow!

Have you ever shared this experience with others? No Last year I shared it with my friend, Geoff, at his house in France, so this year he sent me 'Dying to be Me' by Anita Moojani (I wrote this earlier) he is the only person I have told. Today I ‘vaguely’ told my friend Gina.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? No

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was definitely real I knew I had had the most amazing experience of my life. It came in a close second after the amazing birth of my sweet son in 1977. But of course, I had no one to connect with and although it has not really mattered, I feel that it might at some point. I feel that I am meant to be telling you all this.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real Yes, it was and still is real. The reality of my NDE means that I struggle to talk to anyone about it. I see things differently than others most of the time, but I can't speak my truth because people have such strong opinions about everything and I really cannot be bothered to enter into any arguments about ultimate reality.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? Yes I have moments when reality transforms before my eyes, of course this sounds impossible. But everything becomes the hologram, full of color and living light, the whole world is not as it at first appears. I guess once one has seen it in true light it just happens automatically, thereafter.

Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience? I feel I was touched by a Holiness or Sacredness of spirit and it runs through me at certain times, particularly when a person near me is in need of assistance. It fills me up and pours through me into them, although they are unaware of it; they like to have me around, and at the same time I can be quite drained, if I stay too long with a person who is closed, which most are, in my experience. But I wish everyone could see what I see and be uplifted.