Zhenya T NDE

Experience Description

I was on a date with a girl. We took so drugs and started watching a movie. It was a pleasant day and I remember telling her that I was happy before I died.

The experience itself is hard to place in terms of time because in my mind, it's as if it was an entirely different timeline as to what happened before and after.

I remember being in a white void; which reminds me of Aleph, Ein Sof, a "space" where everything and nothing exists. It is just pure existence. I remember being scared after realizing I couldn't think with words except for animalistic concepts. I didn't really have a local position in this space, there was no point of relativity, and no location to set myself to. I think I was as much the space itself as I was in this space.

Then I got scared because my mind started being washed away by this space. I felt like I was rotting; as if I started losing what I am. Or what was more horrifying to me, that I was being replaced with this space entirely.

I felt so scared and tiny, but also unbelievably calm. I felt the same way one would feel near a whale, or in space, with fear and calmness of being the tiniest grain of sand. I remember feeling waves of emotion emanating from this space. For some reason, the strongest emotion was hard to describe emotions in human terms. Was it concern, or maybe sadness? It was the same feeling a parent would feel when seeing a lost child. I remember vaguely thinking I was probably somewhere being resuscitated. It was a feeling, sound, or perception of people praying to this space.

The girl I was with thought it was funny I passed out, so she went to go to the bathroom. When she came back, she tried to wake me up. I don't react, so she panics and pours water on me. I don't wake up. She checks my pulse and there is none. So, she called the ambulance. They EMTs brought me back to my body. I vaguely remember vomiting blood all over. Apparently, I had an ulcer I didn't know was there.

Afterwards, I think I took something back with me from that space. My arrhythmia and the stomach ulcer healed itself. Now looking back, I think it was, in a way, God; the unconscious part of God, the infinite.

Background Information:

Gender: Female

Date NDE Occurred: 16.03.21

NDE Elements:

At the time of your experience, was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes Heart attack Drug or medication overdose Clinical death (cessation of breathing or heart function) Was in Clinical death, the clinical death happened as a result of drugs; my qt interval elongated to the point of my heart stopping

How do you consider the content of your experience? Both pleasant AND distressing

Did you feel separated from your body? No. I clearly left my body and existed outside it

How did your highest level of consciousness and alertness during the experience compare to your normal everyday consciousness and alertness? More consciousness and alertness than normal. It's hard to explain alertness of that time. It was like trying to perceive everything at once. I did perceive everything, but at the cost of not being able to pull my conscious together

At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness? Somewhat after the first realization of me being in this space, which was the moment I realized I'm both this space and inside it

Were your thoughts speeded up? Incredibly fast

Did time seem to speed up or slow down? Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning. The concept of time didn't apply in the same way. There were definite moments that were both infinite and just a spark of time. Time as a whole didn't make sense. Example: that initial moment lasted forever, while at the same time being but a plank second. The same with every moment. There was a definite after, however the perception of "past" left me. So, I didn't remember that something happened, or will happen. I only had the present.

Were your senses More vivid than usual? Incredibly more vivid

Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. "Vision" doesn't apply to that space. There was perception of space, that was more so than my everyday vision. It was 3D vision, as in, it wasn't a 2D image rendered through the eyes; it was pure perception of space.

Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I don't think there was sound. It was more so as if, there was too much sound and none at the same time.

Did you seem to be aware of things going on elsewhere? No

Did you pass into or through a tunnel? No

Did you see any beings in your experience? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings? No

Did you see, or feel surrounded by, a brilliant light? A light clearly of mystical or other-worldly origin

Did you see an unearthly light? Yes The whole space was light.

Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world? A clearly mystical or unearthly realm. I was in the space of pure, undifferentiated existence; the whole experience of objects, place, and even time, are human concepts that we superimpose on the world. This was a world of pure existence.

What emotions did you feel during the experience? Calmness and horror at the same time. In the latter parts of the experience, it was just a pure feeling of lostness.

Did you have a feeling of peace or pleasantness? Relief or calmness

Did you have a feeling of joy? Happiness

Did you feel a sense of harmony or unity with the universe? I felt united or one with the world

Did you suddenly seem to understand everything? Everything about the universe. The nature of the world as being pure existence, corrupted by our superimposition of concepts upon it, such as "time" "object" "person" "same" "other".

Did scenes from your past come back to you? No

Did scenes from the future come to you? No

Did you come to a border or point of no return? I came to a barrier that I was not permitted to cross; or was sent back against my will. It felt as if this mode of existence, maybe because of unfamiliarity, "burned" me. It became more and more uncomfortable being there, like being in a spiritual stove.

God, Spiritual and Religion:

What was your religion prior to your experience? Jewish. I wasn't particularly religious at the time of the event. Afterwards, I became more religious. However, I would still identify myself as Jewish at the time

Have your religious practices changed since your experience? Yes I now pray, still not regularly, but I do. I meditate now. I am hoping to be able to do what I did in death, but consciously now. I want to share the fire of God's Love with people now.

What is your religion now? Jewish. I wasn't particularly religious at the time of the event. Afterwards, I became more religious. However, I would still identify myself as Jewish at the time

Did your experience include features consistent with your earthly beliefs? Content that was both consistent and not consistent with the beliefs you had at the time of your experience. The experience didn't invalidate my beliefs, but it superimposed upon them profoundly. It left me with discovering more and more of my own religion that kept falling in perfectly with the experience. I was profoundly fascinated with existence.

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience? Yes I used to be a very angry, bitter at the world kind of person. Now, I get a feeling that even bad people exist as proof of better people. That how bad the world is, its all proof of how great it is, even if it seems illogical to some. I now feel that every little thing has meaning. Sometimes I will stop and look at a hair on the round, thinking about how great it is that its there.

Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice? I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin. The whole space I resided in was not conscious, but it was alive; as if it was existence personified. My experience was completely dominated by this presence.

Did you see deceased or religious spirits? I sensed their presence

Did you encounter or become aware of any beings who previously lived on earth who are described by name in religions (for example: Jesus, Muhammad, Buddha, etc.)? No

During your experience, did you gain information about premortal existence? No

During your experience, did you gain information about universal connection or oneness? Yes As stated beforehand, it proved to me that God is existence itself; as such, everything is God. We just choose to differentiate ourselves from the "other", "I" and "other" are superimposed concepts on pure existence.

During your experience, did you gain information about the existence of God? Yes I experienced God, but its not a Christian God, or any God that has a form. To me it only proved Judaic metaphysics, with God being the existence itself, both conscious and unconscious. To Jews this will be nothing new.

Concerning our Earthly lives other than Religion:

During your experience, did you gain special knowledge or information about your purpose? No

During your experience, did you gain information about the meaning of life? Yes I definitely felt that there was meaning, but not in a definite "live for this (thing)" way, it was in a general conceptual way of meaning, it was definitely meaningful to live now.

During your experience, did you gain information about an afterlife? Yes I felt rot, as in, a process of being separated into parts and "digest" or reabsorbed somehow, so its not the same existence afterwards, but a partial reincarnation fo your parts in other people.

Did you gain information about how to live our lives? No

During your experience, did you gain information about life's difficulties, challenges and hardships? Yes Felt this as me being rotted away, reabsorbed into God. The purpose of hardships etc, are all to shape our parts of the soul, there are 3 of them, we overcome challenges, so that when someone is born with parts of our souls, they will overcome them the same way we did it, leading to a better future, making a continuous evolution of human experience.

During your experience, did you gain information about love? Yes I felt that the "burn" I felt, was somehow, Love, that Love was fire of existence.

What life changes occurred in your life after your experience? Large changes in my life Everything about me has improved, my mental condition is much better, my emotions are deeper, more flavorful, my body is stronger, less ill, and somehow everyone after it wants to be kind to me, I haven't felt a single person be angry or mean to me since then, I get random gifts from people, and there are much more synchronicities.

Have your relationships changed specifically because of your experience? Yes I now see all the great people in my life as a part of overall humanity. Beforehand my relationship with people was "you're great while humanity sucks", it became "you're great, because you are a part of humanity" and now I feel much more at ease, knowing that the best of people will always come out on top.

After the NDE:

Was the experience difficult to express in words? Yes The human of emotion, of alertness and consciousness, didn't really apply in that mode of existence

How accurately do you remember the experience in comparison to other life events that occurred around the time of the experience? I remember the experience more accurately than other life events that occurred around the time of the experience While other events behave as memory, being on the continuous line of memory of experience, this specific experience of death, falls outside it, existing outside of my memory line, as such, it doesn't degenerate as other memory does.

Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience? Yes I now have the ability of biofeedback, I can make my body dilate the blood vessels, constrict them, stop hurting or itching in places, and control the hormonal balances of my body, I became stronger, smarter, and just generally in every way better, I am now also meditating, and it is much easier for me than for so many other people, which surprises them.

Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? I feel like somehow, being there, was something that must take time to do for people, that being near God, be in God, be God, is something very hard to do, and that somehow, me being there, meant something special, that somehow, at one the lowliest periods of my life, something about me dragged me there, to God, to forever carry a piece of undifferentiated existence in me, forever fueling me.

Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes I shared the experience the very week with the girl I was on a date with, and her friend too, at a cafe, I still remember him saying "sounds kabbalistic" even before I knew much about kabbalism. The friends I shared this with always seem shocked by it, and one friend says that whenever I speak of anything now, it changes his world view.

Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience? Yes I was told by a friend, in a drug-consuming friend group, that during NDE's your brain produces substances similar to DMT and LSD as a way to relieve the dying person. I don't think it affected the experience, as the experience was in now way similar to psychedelics.

What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened? Experience was probably real I thought that it was just too weird, I didn't believe in such things as the soul, or God in the same way as I do now, or NDE's before having the experience, it left me dumbfounded, I remember even lying in the ICU just replaying the memory over and over trying to understand when and how it happened, where did this, separate memory from other came from.

What do you believe about the reality of your experience now? Experience was definitely real I now believe that the Experience was definitely real, I believe my soul skipped all the Qlipoth surrounding God, and went straight to Keter, or close to it, that I was somehow, important enough to be there, I don't know what made me so special, or if I even am, but I know that somehow it happened.

At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience? No

Are there any other questions that we could ask to help you communicate your experience? The questionnaire was sufficently in-depth I feel like. Thank you.