I had no idea that stories like this existed. In a need to confirm that my "story" was real and not something I had imagined, I began researching soul mates on the internet. My whole life I would have dreams of holding someone's hand, I could never see his face. Waking up and separating from him was excruciating. Being with him in my dreams felt like pure nourishment to my soul. I had a very bad 9 year marriage. During the marriage the dreams continued. I decided that my "soul mate" was on the other side and gave up. When I got divorced, I worked on myself for a year and became very healthy emotionally. At the end of this year I dreamt the following: that I was seeing someone and it was not going well. We split up and then I heard he was in a bad accident. I was told he was dead and then I realized that he was my soul mate and I was devastated. Suddenly he walked up to me and said "They let me come back to you". I instantly recognized him at that point, and I could see he was Indian or Native American.

     This dream made me start to wonder if my soul mate had come back to me. I continued to have the "holding hand" dreams. One day a friend invited me to a Native American concert. On the way to the concert I started thinking about my soul mate for some reason. I just KNEW what it was like to love him, somehow I remembered. It was unlike any love I had experienced in this lifetime. I "missed" him even though I had no idea who he was. In the middle of the concert they stopped so the drummer could explain that the Lakota have no word for goodbye. He said the phrase Toksa Ake. Then he said it means "I will meet you in this life or the next". The second I heard that emotion washed over me that was overwhelming. I burst into tears and had to leave for awhile. It affected me so strongly I felt changed forever.

     I started to "feel" my soul mate coming to me. Over the course of the next year, I had more dreams, each dream more vivid. I dreamt about Native American men often that I would just see across the room in my dreams. I had psychic gifts all my life, I would just know or "hear" (in my head) things that would come true. I began to believe he was real and was determined to find him. I finally embraced my gifts instead of fighting them. I was watching an episode of "Lost" after that and one of the characters was telling someone about his soul mate. Before she had died she scrolled some words in Arabic on a paper. When saying what they meant, he said "I will meet you in this life or the next"  Again, I burst into tears and a rush of emotion I could not explain. I had past life "memories" of being with him and I just knew that we had lived together in Chaco Canyon, NM a thousand or so years ago where he had died tragically. When I began researching Chaco Canyon I also found it linked to other ancient NA sites, including the Hopi Reservation.  While visiting the Chaco Canyon monument, I picked up a recording of some Hopi dances in 1967. A month or so later while listening to the CD, I tranced out a little bit and "heard" that I was to go to 3rd mesa and that I would meet someone and stay the night on 3rd mesa. Not knowing any Hopi's and not being able to camp there I decided this was highly unlikely, however I made plans to go. Life got in the way and my plans were cancelled. A few months later I began dating a man. He was into astrology so we looked up our information in a Birthday book. I found that his personal star was "Mintaka", the 3rd star in Orion's belt. Later that week, while researching some "ancient mysteries" (a hobby of mine), I found that someone had written a book on the ancient connection of NA ruins and sites and their correspondence to constellations. It turns out that if you superimpose constellations over NA sites in the southwest, Orion's belt is exactly the 3 Hopi mesas and the third star , Mintaka, is 3rd Mesa!!!  I about fell off my chair. Well, I did not continue to date this man but continued to wonder about it.  

     Several months earlier while contemplating if my soul mate existed I posed questions to the universe. **I "heard" "He will be #4" I also heard that it would be 7 months. My whole life I had also been obsessed with 5 pointed stars.....somehow I just knew some kind of star would lead me to my soul mate. Well, I dated a couple of other people and nothing worked out.  

     One day in October upon awakening I remembered that I had a very vivid dream about a large German Shepherd.  While on a hike that day I prayed to the universe or whoever was listening "Please, please send me my soul mate!!". I came back and went to work on MySpace page which I had set up the week before. Several people had requested to be my friend and I was curious as to how they found me so I conducted my own search. I typed in a few criteria, and then thought hmmmm...and typed in Native American male. Lots of people popped up so I narrowed my search to Arizona. I took a look at the pictures but wasn't moved. Then I went back through and clicked on one when I suddenly realized this man was standing in the picture with a very large German Shepherd. I went to read his profile. He had set it up THAT DAY. Even more-so......he was Hopi Indian and lived on 3rd Mesa!!!!  I emailed him on a whim and a few hours later he emailed me back. We chatted online for several hours. We did the same thing the next night. It was amazingly comfortable. On the third day, at work, I was wondering who this guy was.....and all day I listened over and over to a song I could not get away from. The lyrics in the song said "The brightest star in the evening sky, is your love waiting there for me". On the way home I could not get that song out of my head. That night he was not online and for reasons I could not explain I burst into tears. I went to shut off the computer and suddenly his chat popped up, he said "Hi Beautiful" . I was so excited. We chatted for a couple of hours and when I had to go to bed I said "Teach me a beautiful word in Hopi". There was a pause, then came back the word "Ladimina". I asked him what it meant and he said "Bright Star"!!!!!!!!!   Again, bout fell off my chair. Our liaison continued for a week or so, then morphed to phone conversations. Everything was as if we had known each other forever. 2 weeks later I went to meet him in Flagstaff, AZ. We had planned to just meet but it was so amazing I followed him to his house on 3rd mesa and spent the night. 1 week later he said I love you. I am a complete commitment phoebe but I blurted it out too!  **It was at that point that it had been 7 months since I had heard that and that he was the 4th guy I dated since the divorce! 

     Distance and major life changes on his part have made it incredibly difficult to stay together. But the time together has been amazing and more intense than I ever could have imagined. The coincidences and synchronicities are too numerous to mention, but I will say, one night after not hearing from him for awhile I dreamt that he called me and I picked it up on the kitchen phone (not the usual phone I use) and said, Hey, I miss you. The next night I was standing in my bathroom thinking that moment if my dream was real or not when the phone rang, I went to my usual phone but there was nothing on the caller ID, so I went to the kitchen phone, I picked it up and he said, "Hey, I miss you" .....this stuff has gone on and on. One time, getting too frustrated about the distance between us we decided to break up, I was devastated and deleted in a fury his number and name from my phone. 2 days later it was back on my phone!! (this happened twice and never with any other number or name) 302. 

     Because of the distance and the struggles he was going through, we have not been able to yet really be a couple. I had a dream that he was lying next to me and said "Let me be for now, I will always come back to you." So I have had to be patient. So far that has been true. Every single time I think it is over, he comes back. I am trusting that the "timing" to be together is not too far off. Being without him is crushing and being with him feels like nourishment to my soul. I love him just like I had remembered, it's intense and amazing and makes you just want to do good in the world and that you can accomplish anything, it is unconditional and nothing they can ever do can change it. Although the relationship or trying to be a couple may not be effortless, the love between you is. Words do not need to be used and in their presence you are COMPLETELY accepted for who you are. Time, distance and personal struggles do not change it. It has always been. This is what a twin flame love feels like.