Jenny's SMR

I met my soulmate when I was very young, only 10. He came to my elementary school in the fourth grade as a new student. The second I met him I had an instant connection with him, I can still remember the first conversation we ever had. (What's funny is that it has always been hard for me to "see" or "remember" his face- its more like a seeing light or a all bunch of colors at once.) I had a crush on him but I never told anyone... I did however write it on the wall behind my favorite painting in my room. When you are 10, you have these crushes and they go away with time... no one makes too much of them.

Eventually as we graduated and got older; and time moved on... we lost touch had different friends but he never left my mind. When I was fifteen, I had not seen him or talked to him in years, I was at this party and I had gone to the bathroom. While I was in the bathroom, I felt this intense overwhelming feeling and he popped into my head. I remember saying aloud to my friend, "he's here." Sure enough, when I exited the bathroom there he was sitting on the couch and al he did was look at me and say my name. But it felt like heaven.

Around the time I turned 18, he came back into my life full force. Coincidentally, he became my solace when I lost my first love and he his. My best friend at the time had begun to pursue him, she asked us both to go up to her school and visit with her one weekend. Just like that out of the blue, he called my parents house and asked me to go with him. I thought it weird that he call my parents house instead of my cell and wondered how he even got that number, because even my best friend did not have it. (Later, I would learn that he had always had my number and had been scared to call me.)

Eventually, we found our way to each other. I cannot describe in words the feelings of immense happiness and euphoria that results when we are together. I have been told that when we are together, its like nothing else or no one else exists. We share dreams, share words, share thoughts, and along with finishing each other's sentences, we learned to write the same too. With him came both intense pleasure as well as pain.

We talked about it, years later, and he had felt the same way the first time we met. He had felt an intense attraction to me that was completely unexplainable. When we are in the same room we are unable to stay away from each other. I can remember times when he was physically ill at the thought of us being separated, breaking up, for many days until I went to him. The same for me. I think about calling him, pick up the phone and realize that it is ringing and he is on the other end. There was a time where he went into a period of intense sadness and depression; and no one could reach him, one night he disappeared. I remember being on the highway, and just thinking that he needed me... so I turned around (over a median) and drove north on the interstate, got off an exit, and went to the train station. I jumped out of my car, ran onto the platform and sure enough there he was- and he did need me. He said later that he had been thinking about me the whole time...

We have been apart for sometime now. I miss him immensely; and have realized that I am unhappy without him in my life. I am not sure if any of this will supersede the differences and atrocities that brought us apart. But as I write this, I prepare to call him, and speak to him...

Even though we have been apart... I have seen him several times. We live nearly 200 miles away from each other and each time I visit NYC (which is about 3x a year) I see him crossing a street, driving by, or sitting in a cafe. Even today, as I pondered whether to reach out to him, a myriad of signs became evident... the song he used to sing to me in the morning came on my alarm clock this morning, our favorite movie, a book I haven't touched in years fell off my bookshelf; and there was a note from him inside of it; and of course there are the dreams I have been having for the past three weeks... all of him.